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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: videos etc etc

 

Political Joke

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb? A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.


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Love and Marriage Joke

The wife says: You wantThe wife means: You wantThe wife says: We needThe wife means: I wantThe wife says: It's your decisionThe wife means: The correct decision should be obviousThe wife says: Do what you wantThe wife means: You'll pay for this laterThe wife says: We need to talkThe wife means: I need to complainThe wife says: Sure. . . go aheadThe wife means: I don't want you toThe wife says: I'n not upsetThe wife means: Of course I'm upset you moronThe wife says: You're . . . so manlyThe wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lotThe wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lightsThe wife means: I have flabby thighs. The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenientThe wife means: I want a new house. The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white. The wife says: Hang the picture thereThe wife means: No, I mean hang it there!The wife says: I heard a noiseThe wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep. The wife says: Do you love me?The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive. The wife says: How much do you love me?The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like. The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute. The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap. The wife says: Am I fat?The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful. The wife says: You have to learn to communicate. The wife means: Just agree with me. The wife says: Are you listening to me?The wife means: [Too late, your doomed. ]The wife says: YesThe wife means: NoThe wife says: NoThe wife means: NoThe wife says: MaybeThe wife means: NoThe wife says: I'm sorryThe wife means: You'll be sorryThe wife says: Do you like this recipe?The wife means: You better get used to itThe wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dishThe wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place. The wife says: Was that the baby?The wife means: Get out of bed and walk himThe wife says: I'm not yelling!The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!In answer to the question 'What's wrong?'The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing. The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything. The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot. The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam.


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Worst Joke

Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stops them and says, 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!'Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress and blasts her right in the head. At which point Jesus looks over and says. . . 'Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!'


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Various animal Joke

What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up? A big stinker!


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Dumb People Joke

Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. ''I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you. ''Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:What the heck was I thinking?''If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. ''As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy. . . ''Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!''Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!''Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. ''Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine. ''When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. ''The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!'


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Politics Humor

Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic 'smart' missiles. Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned to NATO's base.


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Dirty Joke

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door.


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Dirty Joke

There were these three little old ladies sitting on a park bench minding their own business when suddenly a flasher jumped in front of them and exposed himself. . . the first old lady had a stroke. . . the second old lady had a stroke. . . but sadly the third old lady couldn't reach!!!


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Salesmen Joke

One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. 'What is that?' Mikey asked. 'It's a thermos, ' the salesman replied. 'What does it do?' asked Mikey. 'This baby, ' the salesman said, 'keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. ' After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. 'What is it?' they asked. 'It's a thermos, ' Mikey replied. 'What does it do?' they asked. 'Well, ' Mikey says in a bragging manner, 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. ' 'What do ya got in it?' To which Mikey says, 'Three cups of coffee and a popsicle. '


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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. 'Say, ' he said to the bartender, 'how tall is a penguin?' 'About two and a half feet. ' 'Thank God!' cried Monahan. 'I thought I ran over a nun!'



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