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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: unite student accommodation etc etc

 

Funny Joke - 50 best Joke

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray 'God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto'. Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. 'God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well'. Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue. 'My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???'. Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: 'JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET'


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Foreigners Joke

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, 'Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?' The Saudi replied, 'Excuse me, but what is a shortage?' The Russian said, 'Excuse me, but what is meat?' The North Korean replied, 'Excuse me, but what is an opinion?' The New Yorker replied, 'Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?''


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Rabbit Joke

How do you make a rabbit stew? Keep it waiting.


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Knock Knock Joke - 2

Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !


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Doctor and nurse Joke

Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.


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Situation Joke

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to 'enforce the laws pending. ' He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, 'Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?' The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, 'This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?' The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, 'This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?' The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, 'This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?' Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, 'You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?' The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said 'You're so smart, YOU tell ME!'


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Law Joke

Q: Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they are really good guys.


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Government Humor

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice. Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers and ran in, he realised to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees. As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard her president whisper in a barely audible voice, 'sack my cook'. And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.


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Golf Joke

Two Men were leaving church on a bright Sunday morning. 'You know, ' said the first friend, 'I can always tell who the golfers are in church. ''How's that?' asked his friend. 'It's easy, ' he said. 'Just look at who is praying with an interlocking grip. '


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Mental health Joke

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. 'Doctor, you must help me, ' she pleaded. 'It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week. ' 'I see, ' nodded the psychiatrist. 'And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter. ' 'For God's sake, NO!' exclaimed the woman. 'I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward. '



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