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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: tutor t shirt etc etc


Kids Puns

My ex-husband (or ex-wife) was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.

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Kids Puns

To the citizens of the United States of America:In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97. 85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:1. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up 'aluminium' . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up 'vocabulary'. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up 'interspersed'. 2. There is no such thing as 'US English'. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2. 15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American' football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98. 85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. Merde is French for 'shit'8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Thank you for your cooperation.

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Cow Joke

What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter!

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Sport Joke

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

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Zoo Joke

Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. 'Let's get out of here!' said Sauer. 'Go on, if'n you want to, ' said the other redneck. 'But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!'

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Strange Humor

A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there. I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, 'I believe it's snowing'. 'No, it looks too wet to be snow, ' he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow. . . Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: 'Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!'

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Sport Joke

Golfer: 'Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?' Caddy: 'Eventually. '

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Internet Joke

What has long ears, hops and likes websurfing? The e-aster bunny.

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Real Life Joke

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November '29

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Mad Joke

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said 'DON'T WALK'. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw '911' on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

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