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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student travel etc etc

 

Fun Funny Joke

Holiday Party Festivity LevelsLevel I: Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree. Level II: Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing 'I Gotta Be Me' while others begin rearranging your ornaments. Level III: Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction', which can barely be heard over the sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike. Level IV: Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing. In general, you want to keep your party around Level III, unless you rentyour home, have insurance, and are carrying firearms. The quickest way toget to Level III is egg-nog.


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Sport Joke

Why did the chicken get sent off? For persistent fowl play!


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Idiot and fool Joke

Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school? Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second. Delmer: Why didn't you stay? Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later. '


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Real Life Joke

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Inverness, FLA 71-yearl-old man fell off a dock and into the jaws of an alligator but said his knowledge of reptiles, gained from watching wildlife programs on television, helped him escape. 'I wasn't a bit afraid. I knew what they usually do, ' said George Blinn, who got away from the 7-foot gator by jabbing his thumb in its eye. Blinn said he has long been a fan of such programs as Wild Kingdom and knew about alligators' general behavior. He got the chance to use that knowledge when he fell into the canal behind his house. Blinn said the alligator bit him on the left hand and then flopped him over in the water three times before Blinn escaped.


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Animal World

What do you do when an elephant comes through the window?Swim for it. . .


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Silliest Joke

It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. 'Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him. ' he says. . . . this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. 'Now, tell HIM you have a headache. '


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Military Joke

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands. Top Ten Things The Chinese Have Learned By Examining Our Spy Plane10. American codes can be broken by anyone with a basic understanding of Pig Latin 9. On-board computers were mainly used for Internet casino video poker 8. According to plaque, 'When Bush gives order, nod politely, wait to hear what Cheney says' 7. Cockpit full of Colt 45 bottles 6. Mission was to determine if Chinese people can fly like in 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' 5. 'Cloaking device' button only there because pilot's a 'Star Trek' fan 4. Maybe not the best idea to write 'Spy plane' on wings 3. The plane's sole security feature: an angry kitty 2. Plane is so high-tech lavatories feature futuristic blue water! 1. Americans smell like Doritos and Aqua Velva


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Dumb Men Joke

What does it mean to come home to a man who'll give you some love and tenderness? You're in the wrong house.


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Ethnic Humor

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, 'So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?'She says, 'Bernie, I want a divorce. ' He says, 'I wasn't planning on spending that much. '


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Worlds Best Joke

What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive? - Popeye almost killed him.



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