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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student railcard etc etc

 

Gender Joke

Man says to God: 'Why did you make woman so beautiful?'God says: 'So you would love her. ' Man says to God: 'But God, Why did you make her so dumb?'God says:'So she would love you. ' Source MissJoke. com


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Law Enforcement Joke

Actual things that police officers have said . . . .

The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile. '

'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven. '

'Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid. '

'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired. '

'So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?'

'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want. '

'Just how big were those two beers?

'Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?'

'Warning! You want a warning? O. K. , I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?'

'In God we trust, all others are suspects. '


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Romance Joke

One day a wife complained, 'This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch. 'The husband grunted and replied, 'The darn clock always was slow. '


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Warped Humor Joke

Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician? To get a bit of light relief.


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Joke for Speeches

Less Common Latin PhrasesQuo signo nata es?What's your sign?Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt. You know, the Romans invented the art of love. O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!Spero nos familiares mansuros. I hope we'll still be friends. Mellita, domi adsum. Honey, I'm home. Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio. I am as dead as the nehru jacket. Ventis secundis, tene cursum. Go with the flow. Totum dependeat. Let it all hang out. Te precor dulcissime supplex!Pretty please with a cherry on top!Magister Mundi sum!I am the Master of the Universe!Fac me cocleario vomere!Gag me with a spoon!Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear. Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?Prehende uxorem meam, sis!Take my wife, please!Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?Nihil est-in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui. That's nothing-in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor. Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est. Yes, that is a very large amount of corn. Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business. Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!I forgot to polish the clocks!Vescere bracis meis. Eat my shorts. Sic faciunt omnes. Everyone is doing it. Vacca foedaStupid cowFac ut vivas. Get a life. Raptus regaliterRoyally screwedAnulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!Let's all wear mood rings!Insula GilliganisGilligan's Island


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Aviation Joke

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, 'We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41. 'So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: 'Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.


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Funny Kids Joke

How can you tell if an elephant has been sleeping in your bed?

The sheets are wrinkled and the bed smells of peanuts.


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Law and Lawyer Joke

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. 'Your honor, ' he said, 'I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine. ''Why ?' asked the judge. 'He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?''Well, your honor, ' replied Carlson, 'I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.


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Aviation Joke

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, 'If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?'Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, 'The rest of your life. '


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Joke of the Day

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, 'What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!' His friend replies, 'I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!'



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