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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student laptops etc etc

 

Dance Joke

How do you make a tissue dance ? Put a little boogie in it !


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Website Joke

Why did the mummy stop using the Internet? He was getting far too wrapped up in it.


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Computing Joke

Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions. Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. All he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it. Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life. He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that. The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting 'I can't believe it!' and 'It's a miracle' and 'He's alive!'. There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie. Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. 'Is it over?' he asked. 'Is the year 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?'The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet. 'That sounds terrific, ' said Jack. 'But I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?''Well, ' said the spokesman. 'The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL'.


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Cat Joke

Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? - A: It's meow-sic to their ears!


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Biologist Joke

A young biologist was sitting on a stump at the edge of their camp. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. One of the other biologists saw his sad looks and asked, 'What's the matter?' The young biologist said, 'They put me in the same tent with old Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a bath once a month, and talks non-stop about back when he studied passenger pigeons. He's so damn old, I think he was a lackey for Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my life Hell. We had a big fight about it and they split us up for a month' The older biologist said, 'That should make you happy. ' The young biologist sadly shook his head and said, 'Not when the month is up today!'


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Naughty Joke

A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along verywell, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartmentfor a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, heasked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss. Her reply was 'At atime like this you want me to change positions?'


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Medical Joke

There was the surgeon who was arrested for drunkendriving. They let him go, though. He was already an hourlate for an operation.


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Bumper Stickers - 2

All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.


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Bicycle Joke

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. 'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!'


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Mom Joke

* 'How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?'
* 'Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too'
* 'Just leave all the lights on . . . it makes the house look more cheery'
* 'Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week'
* 'Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day'
* 'Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me. '
* 'The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here. '
* 'I don't have a tissue with me . . . just use your sleeve'
* 'Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve'




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