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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student funding etc etc

 

Situations Humor

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mum : Well, you have done the right thing. Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


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Business Joke

THE PROBLEM
Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendations and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative.

THE SOLUTION
Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.

1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy:
'In my opinion,' you say as sincerely as you can manage, 'you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you. '

2. To describe a person who is totally inept:
'I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever. '

3. To describe an ex-employee who had problems getting along with fellow
workers:
'I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine. '

4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the job would be better left unfilled:
'I can assure you that no person would be better for the job. '

5. To describe a job applicant who is not worth further consideration:
'I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment. '

6. To describe a person with lackluster credentials:
'All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly. '


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Pig Joke

What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes ? A swine gut !


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Military Joke

Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. 'My sergeants are wonderful', said one soldier. 'I wish I could say the same about mine, ' said the other. 'You could if you could lie as I do. '


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Fishing Joke

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, 'Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?' The other guy says, 'Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!'


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Website Joke

What sits in the middle of the world wide web ? A very, very big spider !


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School Joke

Teacher: You copies from Fred's exam paper didn't you? Pupil: How did you know? Teacher: Fred's paper says 'I don't know' and you have put 'Me, neither'!


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Spelling Joke

Can you spell very happy with three letters? XTC (ecstasy).


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Horse Joke

A man was walking down the road leading a horse and saw his mate. His mate said to him what are you going to do with that, the 1st man replied 'race it' the 2nd man then said well by the looks of it you will win!.



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Elephant Joke

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle ? Because of all the cheetahs !



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