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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student flights etc etc

 

Police Joke

So, uh, are you 'on the take', or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to the . 44 magnum in my glove compartment.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?




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Village Idiot Joke

-How do you get down from an elephant?You don't. You get down from a duck. -Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?So he could hide in the crayon box. -Why do elephants have wrinkles?Because they are so hard to iron. -Why did the elephant p


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Situations Humor

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. 'This is a brothel' replied the madam. 'Well, what's all this out on the lawn?' queried the man. 'Oh, we're having a yard sale today. '


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Short Stupid Joke

A man went to the market this last week to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, 'I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses. 'The clerk behind the counter said, 'Oh, yes sir, they do have an 'ex' category, but they're in Sporting Goods. ''Really?''Yes sir. . . they're called bullets!'


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Car and train Joke

A motorist ran into a shop. 'Do you own a black and white cat?' he asked. 'No, ' replied the manager. 'Oh dear, ' said the motorist, 'I must have run over a nun. '


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Bumper Stickers - 4

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend On Me


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Computer Joke

Ten ways to know that you're addicted to your computer:- 10) When you begin to laugh you yell, LOL. 9) You tell your computer you love it, more than you tell your spouse. 8) Your house catches on fire and you run home to save your computer before your family. 7) Your computer is your ONLY friend. 6) You think cyber sex is better than real sex. 5) You type only in short hand (YO ROFLMAO I'LL BRB B4 U RTFM LOL). 4) You type 40 words a minute with two fingers. 3) Your twins are named RAM & ROM. 2) After breaking from your computer, you realize you have gained 40lbs, have grown hair in unusual places, your spouse and kids have left you, and Windows 3. 1 is outdated. 1) YOU READ STUFF LIKE THIS!


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Joke for Halloween

A man returns from a trip to Amsterdam and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings. 'This is your doctor, ' says the voice on the phone. 'We have the results back from your tests, and I'm sorry, you have an extremely contagious and deadly sexually transmitted disease known as G. A. S. H. 'G. A. S. H?' replies the patient. 'What the hell is that?''It's a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes, ' explains the doctor. 'My gosh, Doc!' screams the man in a panic, 'what are we going to do?''Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread, ' says the doctor matter-of-factly. 'Will that cure me?''Well no, ' says the doctor, 'but it's the only food that will fit under the door. '


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Kids Puns

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla. So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. He responded that he was interested but would have to think the matter over. The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: 'First, ' he said, 'I don't want to have to kiss her, ' and 'Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union. 'The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?'Well, ' said Mike, 'You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks. '


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Irish Joke

Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't get along. One day she said to him, 'If it wasn't for my money, that new television wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for my money, that grand piano wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for my money, this house wouldn't be here. ' Casey mumbled, 'If it wasn't for your money, I wouldn't be here. '



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