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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student discount etc etc

 

Cop Joke

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, 'SPEED TRAP AHEAD'. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted 'TIPS' and a bucket of change.


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Women Joke

Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time, he had learned just the right things to say. 'It's perfect!' he exclaimed. 'It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer and slenderizes your hips. ' Just then, a voice from the dressing room piped up. 'If there's a dress here that will do all that- I'll take ten!'


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Marriage Joke

An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said 'I want to know the person you hate the most' The explorer said 'That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?' 'I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount. ' 'OK, I wish for a billion dollars' 'Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion' 'I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything' 'Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish' The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a stick and said 'Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death. '


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Irish Joke

Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans '25


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Silliest Joke

Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home. Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips. The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monestary, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers. So he quickly ran down the street to the monestary and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the 'Fish Friar. 'The brother repiled, 'Nope, I'm the Chip Monk!'


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Aviation Joke

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'


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Christmas Joke - 1

In a small southern town there was a 'Nativity Scene' that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a 'Quik Stop' on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, 'You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!' I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said 'See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar. ''


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Stupid Blonde Joke

Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.



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Romance Joke

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: 'I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me. '


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Bumper Stickers - 3

Don't steal, the government hates competition.



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