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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student credit cards etc etc

 

Clinton Joke

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says 'I feel your pain', and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.


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Vampire Joke

MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.


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Dumb Blonde Joke

(Q) Why don't blondes use vibrators? (A) Because they are scared they might chip thier teeth!!!Sent by T. L. Glenn


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Idiot and fool Joke

Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.


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Bar Joke - 2

Below are fine examples of what happens when marketing translations fail to reach a foreign country in an understandable way. Coors put its slogan, 'Turn it loose, ' into Spanish, where it was read as 'Suffer from diarrhea. ' Clairol introduced the 'Mist Stick, ' a curling iron, into German only to find out that 'mist' is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the 'manure stick'. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux. The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, 'Salem-Feeling Free', was translated into the Japanese market as 'When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty. ' When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read English. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of 'I saw the Pope' (el Papa), the shirts read 'I saw the potato' (la papa). In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into 'Schweppes Toilet Water. ' Pepsi's 'Come alive with the Pepsi Generation' translated into 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave, ' in Chinese. When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say 'It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you. ' However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word 'embarazar' meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that 'It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant. ' The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means 'bite the wax tadpole' or 'female horse stuffed with wax' depending on the dialect. Coke then researched '40


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Love and Marriage Joke

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity2. You Too Can Do Housework3. Resistance to Beer4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called 'Don't Wash My Silks')9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence13. You, The Weaker Sex14. Reasons To Give Flowers15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat18. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost20. The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home27. Attainable Goal - Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary28. You Don't Really Need That Porsche Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall CatalogueOnce again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting The Impulse To Nag2. You Can Change The Oil Too4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football8. Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop 10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right11. Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself12. Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility 14. You, The Whining Sex15. Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother 17. How To Close The Garage Door18. If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation 19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia 20. Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank21. Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself 23. Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack27. Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men 29. Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste


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Technology Joke

A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks overto a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmerappears. 'Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile downthe road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I. . . . . ' The farmer says, 'Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, butyou'll have to sleep with my two sons. . . . ' The salesman says, 'Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!'


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Situation Joke

The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, 'In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce ?' She smiled slyly and replied, 'The Druggist, silly. '


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Weird Women Joke

Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?'Oh', sighed Judy, 'I had a wonderful time. ''I thought as much', her mother remarked, 'Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!'


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Clinton Joke

Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first? A: Who cares!



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