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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student ass etc etc


Computer Joke

Why did the dish and spoon hide their computer? The cat kept fiddling with i. t.

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Blonde Joke - 3

What's a blondes idea of natural childbirth? No make-up.

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Blonde Joke - 3

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.

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Dumb Joke

YESTERDAY---------------Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestonehanging over meThe system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrongWhat it was I could not say. Now all my data's goneand I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday. ============================================Songs to program by. . . Eleanor Rigby---------------------Eleanor RigbySits at the keyboardAnd waits for a line on the screenLives in a dreamWaits for a signalFinding some codeThat will make the machine do some more. What is it for?All the lonely users, where do they all come from?All the lonely users, why does it take so long?Guru MacKenzieTyping the lines of a program that no one will run;Isn't it fun?Look at him working, Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;It takes a while. . . All the lonely users, where do they all come from?All the lonely users, why does it take so long?Eleanor RigbyCrashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;Feels like a jerk. Guru MacKenzieWiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;Nothing will load. All the lonely users, where do they all come from?All the lonely users, why does it take so long?===================================Unix Man (Nowhere Man)------------------------------------He's a real UNIX ManSitting in his UNIX LANMaking all his UNIX plansFor nobody. Knows the blocksize from du(1)Cares not where /dev/'null' goes toIsn't he a bit like youAnd me?UNIX Man, please listen(2)My lpd(8) is missin'UNIX ManThe wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command. He's as wise as he can beUses lex and yacc and CUNIX Man, can you help me At all?UNIX Man, don't worryTest with time(1), don't hurryUNIX ManThe new kernel boots, just like you had planned. He's a real UNIX ManSitting in his UNIX LANMaking all his UNIX plans For nobody . . . Making all his UNIX plans For nobody. ==================================Write in C ('Let it Be')------------------------------------When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom:'Write in C. 'As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers:'Write in C. 'Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, oh, Write in C. LOGO's dead and buried, Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, For science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics!Write in C. If you've just spent nearly 30 hours, Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad toWrite in C. Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, yeah, Write in C. BASIC's not the answer. Write in C. Write in C, Write in CWrite in C, oh, Write in C. Pascal won't quite cut it. Write in C. =========================Something------------------------Something in the way it fails, Defies the algorithm's logic!Something in the way it coredumps. . . I don't want to leave it nowI'll fix this problem somehowSomewhere in the memory I know, A pointer's got to be corrupted. Stepping in the debugger will show me. . . I don't want to leave it nowI'm too close to leave it nowYou're asking me can this code go?I don't know, I don't know. . . What sequence causes it to blow?I don't know, I don't know. . . Something in the initializing code?And all I have to do is think of it!Something in the listing will show me. . . I don't want to leave it nowI'll fix this tonight I vow!

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Bumper Stickers - 4

If At First You Don't Succeed . . . Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

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Mad Joke

Trish: My tummy is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Trish: Really? What color?

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Zoo Joke

I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

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Dog Joke - 1

What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole ? A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !

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Horse Joke

Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race. The horse won easily and paid a whopping price. The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner. 'Is this horse unsound?' they asked. 'Not a bit,' said the owner. 'In that case,' asked the stewards, 'why have you never raced him before?' 'Mister,' said the man from Idaho, 'we couldn't even catch the critter until he was five years old. '

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Answer me this Joke

Do steam rollers really roll steam?

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