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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student accommodation plymouth etc etc

 

Sporting Joke

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist's boat capsized. Although he could swim, his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the capsized craft. Finally spotting a beachcomber on the shore, he shouted out to him, 'Hey, are there any 'gators around here?' 'Nope,' the man yelled back. 'Ain't been any 'gators 'round these parts for years!' Feeling more at ease, the tourist commenced swimming leisurely towards shore. When he was about halfway there, he shouted out to the beachcomber again, 'How'd you get rid of the 'gators?' 'Oh, we didn't do nothin',' the beachcomber yelled back. 'The sharks got every last one of 'em!'


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Totally Weird Joke

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time. . . 'Class, ' said he, 'My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things. . . . What am I?' A little boy on the front row said, 'You're a mother!'


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Sport Joke

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)1. What language is spoken in France?2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (please check only one answer) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0. 0 meters?6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far north called?(a) Westerners(b) Southerners(c) Northerners9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. 11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no13. What are coat hangers used for?14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS. 16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp. ) stand for?*You must answer three or more questionscorrectly to qualify*


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Politics Humor

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find outthat she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator ofNew York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: 'How could you have let this happen?With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! Howcould you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what haveyou got to say???'There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screamsagain, 'Did you hear me??!!' Finally she hears Bill's very, veryquiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, 'Who is this?'


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Accountant Joke

What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting


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Banana Joke

What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.


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Fun Funny Joke

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself. Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg. The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said, 'You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!So, how did you break YOUR leg??'


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Travel Humor

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long andthen, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says 'Watson, do yousee the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can youdeduce from it?'Watson yawns and tries to play the game. 'Well, this clearly tells us theweather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny. ''No, my friend. It's much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent. '


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Situations Humor

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks 'Do you do custom work?'Why of course!'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of myright thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside ofmy left thigh. 'No problem, ' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and getup on the table. 'After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos. 'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly. 'Oh yes it does, ' the artist says indignantly, 'and Ican prove it. ' With that, he runs out of the shopand grabs the first man off the street he can find;it happens to be the town drunk. 'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreadingher legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutesand says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!'


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Ethnic Joke - 2

Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert. When one gets something blown into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, 'Hold still Abdul, it might be sand. '



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