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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student accommodation nottingham etc etc

 

Bumper Stickers - 7

WHY ME?


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Easter Joke

Does the Easter Bunny like baseball? Oh, yes. He's a rabbit fan!


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Farming Joke

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large'. Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ' We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows'. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, 'And what are those'? The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas'?


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Computers Joke

TOP10. Subject: Gullibility Virus alert (fwd) ****************************************************************** WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE! Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet! ****************************************************************** WASHINGTON, D. C. --The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without question every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their inbox or on their browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people believe and forward copies of silly hoaxes relating to cookie recipes, email viruses, taxes on modems, and get-rich-quick schemes. 'These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets based on fortune cookie numbers, ' a spokesman said. 'Most are otherwise normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a stranger on a street corner. ' However, once these same people become infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on the Internet. 'My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone, ' reported one weeping victim. 'I believe every warning message and sick child story my friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous. ' Another victim, now in remission, added, 'When I first heard about Good Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens of other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be true. ' It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at a Hoaxees Anonymous meeting and state, 'My name is Jane, and I've been hoaxed. ' Now, however, she is spreading the word. 'Challenge and check whatever you read, ' she says. Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus, which include the following: The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking; The urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others; A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true. D. S. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, 'I read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes your hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo. ' When told about the Gullibility Virus, D. S. said he would stop reading email, so that he would not become infected. Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately. Experts recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush to their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting them to thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community. Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is online help from many sources, including 2]Department of Energy Computer Incident Advisory Capability 3]Symantec Anti Virus Research Center 4]McAfee Associates Virus Hoax List 5]Dr. Solomons Hoax Page 6]The Urban Legends Web Site 7]Urban Legends Reference Pages 8]Datafellows Hoax Warnings Those people who are still symptom free can help inoculate themselves against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating sources, such as Evaluating Internet Research Sources at http://www. sccu. edu/faculty/R_Harris/evalu8it. htm Evaluation of Information Sources at http://www. vuw. ac. nz/~agsmith/evaln/evaln. htm Bibliography on Evaluating Internet Resources at http://refserver. lib. vt. edu/libinst/critTHINK. HTM Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards them a hoax. ********************************************************************** This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously! Forward it to all your friends right away! Don't think about it! This is not a chain letter! This story is true! Don't check it out! This story is so timely, there is no date on it! This story is so important, we're using lots of exclamation points! For every message you forward to some unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten cents to itself. (If you wonder how the Home will know you are forwarding these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much. ) **********************************************************************


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Statistics and Math Joke

A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. 'No problem, ' says the mathematician, 'there is a simple equation for that, ' and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, 'What is that symbol?' 'That is the Greek letter pi. ' 'What is pi?' 'That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle. ' Upon this the shoeseller cries out: 'What does a circle have to do with shoes?!'


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Election Joke

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992's parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.

Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. 'Who are they?' he asked.

'Ah,' said Yeltsin, 'those are our economists!'

'But I thought this parade was military. . . ' said Clinton, confused.

'Mr. Clinton,' said Gorbachev, 'have you SEEN the damage those men can do?'


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Office Humor

Q: How do you get a heavy metal guitarist to stop playing guitar?A: Put sheet music in front of him.


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Doctor Joke

Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?Nurse: No. Is it missing?


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Medicine Joke

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, 'Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The badnews is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The goodnews is our hospital has just been certified to do braintransplants and there has been an accident right out frontand a young couple was killed and you can have whicheverbrain you'd like. The man's brain costs $'100


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Politics Humor

Only in America. . . do we use the word 'politics' to describethe process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.



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