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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: student 18 etc etc

 

Spoof Joke

There was an elderly lady who lived by herself. She decided that it would be nice to have a talking parrot to keep her company. So the elderly lady went to the pet store and the owner of the store asked her how much she wished to spend. She was on Social Security so she had only 20 dollars to spend. The owner sadly informed the lady that there was no way she could buy a talking parrot for only 20 dollars. 'But, there is a possibility!' he said. And the store owner brought out a black myna bird on a perch, and said, 'You can have this myna bird for 20 dollars, but he only speaks one phrase, all he can say is 'WHO IS IT?'. . . that's the limit of his vocabulary. ' The lady was ecstatic. She paid the 20 dollars, and took the bird home. When she got home, she placed the perch near the front door and went out to get a cage and some birdseed, and other items she thought her new companion might like. After the lady drove off, the man from the butcher shop showed up with his weekly delivery. He knocked on the door. 'Who is it!?' shrieked the myna bird. 'It's the butcher!' said the man. 'Who is it!?' repeated the bird. 'Lady, it's the butcher!'. . . 'Who is it!?' 'Lady, it's the butcher!' 'Who is it!?' (now exasperated beyond limit) 'Lady! I said it's the GXxxXaXxed butcher!' 'Who is it!?' Then the man suffers a heart attack, and falls dead face onto the ground in front of the front door. The lady returns from her shopping and sees the dead body, she opens the door and says 'Oh my god! Who is it?!' . . . and the myna bird promptly says, 'It's the butcher!!!'


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Criminal Joke

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.


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Cannibal Joke

How can you help a starving cannibal? Give them a hand !


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Blonde Joke - 3

Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!


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Humorous Joke

What did the painter say to her boyfriend? 'I love you with all my art!'


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Doctor and nurse Joke

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks. 'And did he?' 'Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill. '


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Knock Knock Joke - 3

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Sam.
Sam who?
Sam person who knocked on the door last time!



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Humor Joke

Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.


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Kids Fairy Tale Joke

Why is Ali Baba's baby like a small diamond?
Because they are both dear little things!


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Kids Puns

What might've happened:Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. 'I'm going back home!' he tells the Iraqi. 'We'll finish these talks in two weeks!'A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. 'Forget this, ' says Saddam. 'I'm going back to Baghdad!'Clinton says through tears of laughter, 'What Baghdad?'



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