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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: oxford and cherwell college etc etc

 

Stupid Men

Q: Why do women work harder than men?
A: Women get it done right the first time.

Q: Why is a man like a diaper?
A: because they are always on your ass, and they are usually full of shit.


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Legal Humor

On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found himsitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible 'What areyou doing?' asked the friend. 'Looking for loopholes, ' repied the lawyer.


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Bumper Stickers - 4

I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.


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Science Joke

What is the first symptom of AIDs?A hard, deep, pounding sensation in your ass.


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Fishing Joke

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, 'My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars. ' The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, 'Okay, where's my hundred dollars?' The man said, 'Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law. ' The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, 'Just my luck. How much do I owe you?'


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Farming Joke

A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders. Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction. The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer, although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and scrapes. The farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals. The chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. 'These chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens anymore!' bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads his shotgun and blows away the chickens. Next, he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely. 'These pigs are all worthless now! I'll get nothing for them!' yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun and blows away the pigs. The farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their wool is all bloodied. 'Worthless sheep!' screams the farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the sheep. Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror. The farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the tourist. 'Are you okay down there?' asked the farmer. 'NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!' the tourist yelled back.


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Law Enforcement Joke

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, 'It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go. 'The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, 'My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!'


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Police Joke

A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, 'Can you describe the person who did this to you?' The Irishman replied, 'That's what I was doing when he hit me. '


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Bar Joke - 2

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, 'Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?' The other replies, 'Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him. ' So that night he did and God replied, 'You are what you are. ' The next day he said to the other zebra, 'I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are. ' The second zebra responds, 'You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is. '


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Government Humor

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?? An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.



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