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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: microsoft office student etc etc

 

Judge Joke

Judge: 'Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?' Defendant: 'Yes, it's true. ' Judge: 'Then, why don't you just pay him back?' Defendant: 'Because it wouldn't be true anymore. '


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Firefighter Joke

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts. The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. 'That should be obvious, ' he responded, 'the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck. '


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Christmas Joke - 2

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ? Santa Paws !


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Joke Online

*Question: What is one horsepower?*Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. *You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind. *Talc is found on rocks and on babies. *The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. *When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when theybroke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. *When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we saythey are orbiting. *Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. *While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really onlycentrificating. *Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction. *South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage. *Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in thedaytime. *Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezingand boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south. *A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. *There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever. *There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so muchpopulation stomping around up there these days. *Lime is a green-tasting rock. *Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil. *Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should. *Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. *Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brotheragainst brother. *Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make outthe numbers. *We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot ofthings people forget to put the top on. *To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up. *In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. *Clouds are high flying fogs. *I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing. *Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. *Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. *Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. *We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. *Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. *Rain is saved up in cloud banks. *In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. *Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man. *A blizzard is when it snows sideways. *A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size. *A monsoon is a French gentleman. *Thunder is a rich source of loudness. *Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. *It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. *The wind is like the air, only pushier.


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Apple Joke

Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.


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Election Joke

The first ladies of UK, Russia and France were having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion
was the penis of their respective spouse. The first lady of UK says, 'It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the
room' The lady from Russia says, 'It is like an army officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or
back. . ' The French lady says, 'It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down. . . '
Then Hilary says, 'It's like a rumour. . . it moves from one mouth to another. . . '


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Money Joke

Why is the moon like a dollar? It has four quarters.


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Doctor and nurse Joke

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog. How long have you felt like this? Ever since I was a puppy!


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Joke for Halloween

A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, 'We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?'She was talking to her Preacher one day about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, 'We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?'One male parrot said to the other, 'Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!'


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Totally Weird Joke

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of drainingand a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, thedoctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh?D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR! L: ??EH??D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! --A SUPPOSITORY!!! L: Oh, thankGoodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid!



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