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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: ifs student investor etc etc

 

Marriage Joke

A wife woke up from her night's sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband.

'I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks in this place,' she began. 'The big ones went for a 10 and the thick ones went for 20. '

'How about the ones like mine?' asked her husband.
'Those they gave away,' she replied tongue in cheek.

'I had a dream too,' started the husband.
'I dreamt they were auctioning off fannies. The pretty ones went for a 1000 and the little tight ones went for double that!'

'And how much for the ones like mine?' enquired the wife to her husband.

'That's where they held the auction,' he replied.


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Cannibal Joke

What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.


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Dog Joke - 1

Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does! What does it do? It just stands on its back two legs and quotes Shakespeare! What? Yeah, it says, 'To bark or not to bark that is the question!' and keeps on barking!


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Assorted Joke

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!! C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before. D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained? E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said 'I'm not hungry' so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies. F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her. G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period. H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out. I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors. J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy. K stands for Kill. L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties. L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love. M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for. N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she? O is for On top. When on top she has another O word. P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month. Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last. R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it. S stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do. T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies. U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement. V is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place. W stands for Whine. She was a pro at this. X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone. Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you. Z stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled 'QUICK! They're home!' . stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.


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Blonde Joke - 1

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, 'Awww, look at the dead birdie. ' The blonde stops, looks up, and says, 'Where?'


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Vampire Joke

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.


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Cat Joke

Why was the cat so small ? Because it only ate condensed milk !


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Car and train Joke

One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into the driveway the girl asked her mother 'Why dont these people have electricity?' Very confused the mother said, 'Wut are u talking about?' The girl quickly replied, 'Well, the sign back there said NO OUTLET!'


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Dead and dying Joke

How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye


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Kids Joke

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spidersmating. 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' 'They're mating, Lucy' he replied. 'What do you call the spider on top Daddy?' Lucy asked. 'Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, 'Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is aMommy Longlegs?'Daddy replied, 'No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs. 'Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!'



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