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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: humor quotes etc etc

 

Blonde Joke - 1

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away. ' 'I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day. . . we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest. ' The blonde very calmly explains, 'No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here. ' The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. 'If you need anything, just let me know, ' he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, 'Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?' 'No, ' re plies the blonde, 'I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!'


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Political Joke

Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out.


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American Joke

i. People who point at their wrist asking for the time. . . I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
ii. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
iii. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
iv. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
v. When people say while watching a film, 'did ya see that?' No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
vi. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'. . . Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
vii. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
viii. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
ix. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?' If the bus came, would I be standing here???


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Miscellaneous Joke

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts? Change.


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Religion Joke

One day God called the Pope, and he said 'John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion'. The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, then asked 'What's the bad news?'. God said the bad news is that I am calling from Salt Lake City.


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Math Joke


The math professor just accepted a new position at a university in another city and has to move. He and his wife pack all their belongings into cardboard boxes and have them shipped off to their new home. To sort out some family matters, the wife stays behind for a few more days while her husband has already left for their new residence.
The boxes arrive when the wife still hasn't rejoined her husband. When they talk on the phone in the evening, she asks him to count the boxes, just to make sure the movers didn't loose any of them.
'Thirty nine boxes altogether', says the prof on the phone.
'That can't be', the wife exclaims. 'The movers picked up forty boxes at our old place. '
The prof counts once again, but again his count only reaches 39.
The next morning, the wife calls the moving company and complains. The company promises to check; a few hours later, someone calls back and reports that all forty boxes did arrive.
In the evening, when the prof and his wife are on the phone again, she asks: 'I don't understand it. When you count, you get 39, and when they do, they get 40. That's more than strange. . . '
'Well', the prof says. 'This is a cordless phone, so you can stay on the line and count with me: zero, one, two, three,. . . '




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Government Humor

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearingcomplaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and becomefurious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and orderedhim to investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, andthen reported on the problem to him. He said:' Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!'


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Accountant Joke

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.


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Yo momma Joke

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, 'DING!'


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American Joke


Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!



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