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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: humor pictures etc etc

 

Best Joke Online

One day, a man complained to his friend, 'My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor. 'His friend said, 'Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10. 00. 'The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in thisample and deposited the $10. 00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashedlights, and printed out the following analysis:Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant. . . . twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And. . . . if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!


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Dumb Blonde Joke

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky.


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Bumper Stickers - 6

Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper. . . Wanna Get Married?!?!?!


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Redneck Joke

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing right now if she were alive today?A: Scratching on the lid of her casket.


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Miscellaneous Joke

12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog. 8. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph. 7. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece. 6. Want to race to the station, Sparky?5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!4. On the way to the station let's get a six pack. 3. You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!2. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!1. No, YOU assume the position.


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Foreigners Joke

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep. . . . . 'Mate', the aussie said, 'Over there we shear them'. The kiwi replied, 'Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone'


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Spoof Joke

NEW LANGUAGES BEING TAUGHT IN AMERICAAfro-American Speak -- Ebonics (or We-Beonics)Irish-American Speak -- LeprechaunicsNative-American Speak -- KimosabicsItalo-American Speak -- Spumonics (or Rigatonics)Chinese-American Speak -- Won-tonicsJapanese-American Speak -- Mama-san-icsPolish-American Speak -- KielbasanicsJewish-American Speak -- ZionicsRussian-American Speak -- RasputonicsSpanish-American Speak -- Flan-icsScottish-American Speak -- Tartan-icsEskimo-American Speak -- HarpoonicsGerman-American Speak -- Autobaunics (or Teutonics)Candain-American Speak -- EH?onicsFlorida Democratic Voters Speak -- Moronics


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Blind Joke

The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless. 'Aidan, ' said the neighbor, 'I never knew you were so strong. ' 'Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly. '


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Bar Joke - 1

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. 'Well, you really tied one on last night, ' she said. 'Where'd you go?' 'I worked late, ' he said, 'and I stopped off for a couple of beers. ''A couple of beers? That's a laugh, ' she replied, 'You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?''What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?''Well, ' she replied, 'my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror. '


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Bumper Stickers - 3

FLORIDA: Home of Electile Dysfunction



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