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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: houston community college etc etc

 

Old Age Joke

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich. ' The second lady chimed in with, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. ' The third one responded, ' Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood, ' as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it!'


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Bumper Stickers - 6

Sex is a misdemeanor . . . the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!


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Free Adult Joke

Lights not burning too bright. Like a barometer -- vacuum at the top. Like a loose-leaf folder in winter. Like a one-armed man climbing a rope. Likes dunking for french fries. Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend / jumped the track. Lives in La-la-land. Lives in the same world, but a different universe. Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum. Long on dry wall, short on studs. Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room. Looks for the 'Any' key. Loose chip on the microprocessor board. Loose wire to his headset/ringer. Low on thinking gas. Low-bandwidth as an information source. Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps. Made a career out of mid-life crisis. Mainspring's wound too tight. Makes a black hole look bright. Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good. Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written. Mental software is Version 1. 0 / still in beta test. Mentally qualified for handicapped parking. Metronome needs oil. Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind. Mind like a steel sieve. Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled / full of mice / nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.


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Priceless Joke

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt. 'Sit down and tell me how it happened, ' said the doctor. 'Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!'Okay, I see. . . But that's one ear - what about the other?'They called again!!'


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Criminal Joke

Why are burglars such good tennis players ? Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts !


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Elderly People Joke

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, 'Going to a party?''Yeah, ' the man answered, 'I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life. ' 'But you look like Abe Lincoln, ' protested the barkeep. 'That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago. '


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Knock Knock Joke - 1

Knock Knock Who's there ! Abba ! Abba who ? Abba'out turn ! Quick march!


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Bumper Stickers - 3

He who angers you, controls you!


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Spoof Joke

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with hisson. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for awhile, his wife sticks her head out thefront door and yells, 'You need more tail. 'The guy turns to his son and says, 'Son, I never will understandwomen. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she saidto go fly a kite!'


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Apple Joke

What reads and lives in an apple ? A bookworm !



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