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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny videos etc etc

 

Bar Joke - 1

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend. 'As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long'!The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket. 'He also said he wants to screw me all night long'!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table. 'He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night'!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer. His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table. The boyfriend says 'I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer'!


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Great Joke

The little rascals were in class and the teacher was giving them a vocabulary lesson. The teacher said, 'Alfalfa, use the word love in a sentence'. Alfalfa replies, 'I love Darla'. The teacher said, 'Good. . . now Spanky your word is respect'. Spanky replies, 'I respect the way Alfalfa loves Darla'. The teacher said, 'Very good! Now Buckweat its your turn, your word is Dictate'. Buckweat replies, 'Hey Darla. . . how did my dictate last night?'.


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Funniest Joke

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God. . . . 'Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go. ' 'Well, what's the difference between the two?' Bill asks. God says, 'I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision. ' 'Fine, but where should I go first?' 'I'll leave that up to you. ' 'Okay, then, ' says Bill. 'Let me try Hell first. 'So Bill goes to Hell. It's a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect. He is very pleased. 'This is great!' he tells God. 'If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!''Fine, ' says God, and off they go. Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It's nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides. 'Hmm. I think I'd prefer Hell, ' he tells God. 'Fine, ' replies God. 'As you desire. 'So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. 'How's everything going?' he asks Bill. Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, 'This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?' 'Oh . . . that was the SCREENSAVER. '


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Politics Humor

A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturantin Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the bestcountry in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, 'Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in frontof the White House in Washington D. C. and yell 'PresidentClinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me. ' TheCuban waiter replies, 'We have that same freedom in Cuba. Icould stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing andnothing would be done to me too!'


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Ethnic Joke - 2

Q: What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union? A: Every man for himself.


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Blonde Joke - 2

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had '340


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Vampire Joke

Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.


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Farmer Joke

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: 'WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!' He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: 'NOW THERE ARE TWO!'


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Elderly People Joke

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by anddeposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. 'Yech!' says the woman. 'Get some toilet paper. ' 'What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now. '


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Stupid Blonde Joke

NEVER let a blonde have a coffee break . . .
It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!



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