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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny video etc etc


Yo momma Joke

Yo Momma is so ugly that she scares blind people!!!!

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Sad Joke

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, 'Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?' She says, 'Why, officer?' 'Because your breast is hanging out. ' She looks down and says, 'OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!'

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Criminal Joke

What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ? Robbery with violets !

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Knock Knock Joke - 2

Knock Knock Who's there ! Alva ! Alva who ? Alva heart !

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Car and train Joke

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the pit lane. The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the McLaren team boss noticed a real problem. Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four seconds, but within 10 seconds, they'd re-sprayed and re-numbered the car and sold it to the Ferrari Team!

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Kids Puns

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. 'I'm as sober as you are, your honor, ' the man claimed. The judge replied, 'Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days. 'Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a poisonous snake? A: You can make a pet out of the snake. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick? A: A tick drops off you when you die. Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it? A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside. The reason law schools have been described as 'a place for the accumulation of learning' is that first-year students bring some in, third-year students take none out--and so knowledge accumulates. Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since1970. Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months. Mary reported for jury duty and immediately asked to be excused because she was prejudiced. 'I took one look at those shifty eyes and that sleazy polyester suit and I knew that he was guilty as sin. ' 'Sit down, ' said the judge. 'That is the prosecuting attorney. 'A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: 'Have you ever been arrested?' 'No, ' he answered. The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question 'yes

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Beauty Joke

I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !

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Bizarre Joke

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?A: A visitor.

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Ethnic Joke - 1

Out All Night Drinking An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!' 'How did you know?' he asks. 'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again. '

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Ethnic Humor

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job. Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem. Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them. Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball. Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby. Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball. Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in. Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it 'English'. Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it 'English'. Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans. Aussies: Add 'G'day', 'mate' and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool. Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country. Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country. Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer. Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer. Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer. Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it. Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

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