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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny t shirt etc etc

 

Joke for Kids

The bachelor who complained that the women he selected would notremain his friend for more than a few weeks was told, 'Your problemis that you are looking for a particular kind of woman. You ought to be looking for the kind of woman who is notparticular. '


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Ethnic Humor

Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________Address (where you live):Mother's name(list also relation, i. e. , sister):__________________Birthdate(yours):____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies?__________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: 50 IQ Points( ) 75 IQ Points( ) 100 IQ Points( ) She Won't Tell Me( )Does your wife wear: A Dress( ) Pants( ) Hot Pants( ) Your Pants( ) Them Lawyer Clothes( ) Nothing( ) Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )Color of wife's hair: Blonde( ) Red( ) Brown( ) Black( ) Bald( )Did you understand the previous questions: Yes( ) No( ) What does 'previous' mean?( ) Huh?( ) All of the Above( )Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )(Check all that Smelly Feet( ) Toe Jam( ) Bad Breath( ) Tit Munge( ) apply) Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( ) Been Castrated by a Pig( ) Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( ) Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( ) Inhaled( )Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________ On what date?___________Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( ) Past ten: Yes( ) No( )Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________


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Cat Joke

What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ? She had mittens !


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Cow Joke

What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay!


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Best Joke Online

They are: Her Doctor; he says, 'Take your clothes off. 'Her Dentist; he says, 'Open wide. 'Her Veterinarian; he says, 'And how is your little pussy doing today?'Her Gardener; he says, 'Do you want me to mulch your bush?'Her Hairdresser; he says, 'Do you want it teased or blown?'Her Interior Decorator; he says, 'You'll like it once it's in. 'Her Hunter; he goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots. Her Remodeler; he says, 'It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering. 'Her Milkman; he says, 'Do you want it in front or in back?'Her Banker; he says, 'If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest. '


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Law Enforcement Joke

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, 'This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!'So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, 'Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?' 'Ma'am, ' the officer replies, 'You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. ' 'Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!' the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle exp lains to her that '22' was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. 'But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask. . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, ' the officer asks. 'Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142. '


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Computer Joke

My computer crashed and died today And I thought, 'oh well what the hey' Now I'd have time to clean my house And see if I still had a spouseIt started out with weird frustrations Combined with mild heart palpitations And then my ankles began to swell Withdrawal symptoms from no AOLChills ran up and down my spine Oh, God I had to get on-line To greet my buds and check my mail I began to feel helpless and frailThen I remembered the Good Guy's Store And all those computers by the door I'd go there and when alone With no one looking I'd sign-onI stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem soundI was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to poundThen I typed my password, and the computer said, 'Goodbye' And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try. This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fixI . . . slowly. . . typed. . . my. . . password. . . then. . . I. . . stood. . . . and. . . waited The darned thing said , 'Goodbye' again and I got real frustrated That's when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking screamWhen I woke I was handcuffed being booked I think I asked the data entry cop, if he'd get me a drink Now I'm sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.


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Yo momma Joke

Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.


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Knock Knock Joke - 3

Knock Knock Who's there ! C's ! C's who ? C's the day !


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Bath Joke

Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them ? Stan: In the bathroom Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath ? Stan: Blindfold them !



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