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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny student quotes etc etc

 

Elderly People Joke

An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so theydecided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing waswrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor aboutthe problems they were having with their memory. After checking the coupleout, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want tostart writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. Thecouple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chairand his wife asked, 'Where are you going?' He replied, 'To the kitchen. ' She asked, 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' He replied, 'Sure. ' She then asked him, 'Don't you think you should write it down so you canremember it?' He said, 'No, I can remember that. ' She then said, 'Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. Youhad better write that down 'cause I know you'll forget that. ' He said, 'I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream withstrawberries. ' She replied, 'Well, I'd also like whipped cream on top. I know you'llforget that so you'd better write it down. ' With irritation in his voice, he said, 'I don't need to write that down!I can remember that. ' He then went fuming into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her aplate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said, 'You forgot my toast. '


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Answer me this Joke

If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?


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Doctor and nurse Joke

Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that!


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Bicycle Joke

Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals. Juliet: Really? Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals.


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Kids Fairy Tale Joke

What is a mermaid's favourite song?
Salmon-chanted Evening!

What names do mermaids have?
How about Water-Lily? Or Coral?
Maybe Michelle, as that can be shortened to Shell!

Which part of a mermaid weighs the most?
The scales!


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Horse Joke

Two disgruntled evidently losing punters had been consoling themselves in the bar at Kempton, and after the meeting were walking it off on the course. ' I don't know what these bloody jockeys get paid for,' said the first punter, scowling at the nearest fence,' Any bugger could jump these things, I could do it without a horse. ' 'Go on then,' Said his friend, peering owlishly through the gloom. 'Jump that one. ' The first punter took of his race glasses, took a run at the first fence and cleared it with a foot to spare. . . . . . . . . . and. . . . . . . . landed in the water.



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Miscellaneous Joke

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, 'Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin. ' 'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?' 'Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was. . . God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!' 'Good, ' said the new husband, 'but, why?' 'You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!'


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Old age Joke

How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we've had him a long time.


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Election Joke

Bill Clinton has just had a major new policy decision that he thinks is going to 'save' America. He decides to talk it over with Senator Dole.

Dole says, 'Well Bill, the Republicans aren't to sure about this. Why do you go back to the White House and write a 20,000 word essay on your ideas, aims, etc. If you give it to me by 8 A. M. tomorrow, we'll think about it. '

So, Bill goes back and does probably that hardest night's work ever. He really puts his heart and soul into the paper and proudly hands it over to Bob the next morning.

Bill was told to come back the next day when the republicans would pass judgement. The next day, Bill again trudges in and Bob says, 'Well Mr President, we were impressed with the paper, but there were a couple of spelling mistakes. Here's the deal. I'm giving you a pair of dice, and if you role 1 to 11, we won't pass it. '

'But what if I get a 12?' Bill asks. And Bob replies, 'You get to roll again'.


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Bumper Stickers - 2

186,000 Miles/Second: Its Not Just A Good Idea, Its The Law!



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