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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny shirts etc etc

 

Joke Online

A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed. The husband says, 'I thought we'd have sex tonight. 'The wife replies, 'No, I'm too tired tonight. 'The husband says, 'Is that your final answer?'The wife says, 'Yes, it is, thank you. 'The husband says, 'OK, then, I'd like to phone a friend. '


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Snowman Joke

Where do snowmen put their webpages? On the winternet.


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Bar Joke - 1

So this guy walks into a bar with his 10 foot tall giraffe. Despite the strange stares from the other bar occupants, they proceed to drink themselves silly.
After about a dozen drinks, the giraffe stands up and then keels over. At this his companion stands up as well, settles his bar bill and starts to walk out of the bar. The bartender shouts, 'Hey idiot, you can't leave that lyin' here!'
But the man replies, 'You're the idiot. . . that's a giraffe, not a lion!'


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Humorous Joke

What is the most breathless thing on television ? The Pink Panter Show !


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Lawyer Joke

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain. 'I'm an attorney, ' the wincing man said, 'and this is going to cost you $5000. ''I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, ' the concerned golfer replied. 'But I did yell 'fore'. ''I'll take it, ' the attorney said.


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Face Joke

Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true? 'No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face. '


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Marriage Joke

A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. 'But why did you stab him over a hundred times?' asked the judge. 'Oh, your Honor, ' replied the defendant, 'I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife. '


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Food Joke

By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall's, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;split a large combination pizza with three friends;think Oreo cookies are for kids;nibble cashews one at a time;think that doughnuts are indigestible;read books they have to hold with both hands;become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio;lose their appetites when they're depressed;think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids;save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups;throw out stale potato chips;will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store;think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate;don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound;warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream;try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert;find iced tea more refreshing than an ice-cream soda;get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table;have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color;think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert;bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box;think banana splits are for kids.


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Sport Joke

Where do old bowling balls end up? In the gutter!


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Village Idiot Joke

When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one. Randall, an old rancher, stood up. 'Ah think we should keep the old truck, ' he said. 'We can use it for all them false alarms!'



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