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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny jokes etc etc

 

Religion Joke

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So. . . he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, 'You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?' The Lord sighed, and said, 'No, I guess not. ' Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, 'Why did you let him do that?' The Lord smiled and replied, 'Who's he going to tell?'


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Simple Joke

Q: Why didn't the monster make the football team?A: Because he threw like a ghoul!


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Various animal Joke

How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink!


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Knock Knock Joke - 2

Knock Knock Who's there ! Brad ! Brad who ? Brad news I'm afraid !


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Romance Joke

When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, 'Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself. ''Don't be stupid, Joe, ' said the psychiatrist. 'My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy. ''How?' asked Joe. 'Easy, ' replied the quack. 'I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?''I clean out septic tanks. ' Joe replied.


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Police Joke

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, 'How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?' 'No, ma'am, ' explained the officer, 'it's your foot. '


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Military Joke

The General went out to find that none of his G. I. s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. 'Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here. ' The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G. I. go. Moments later, eight more G. I. s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. 'Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here. ' The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G. I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. \r \n'Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but. . . ' 'Let me guess, ' the General interrupted, 'it broke down. ' 'No, ' said the G. I. , 'there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them. '


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Dirty Joke

Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.


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Computers Joke

IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather funny. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse maybe used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.


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Computer Joke

Q: How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One - he puts it in the socket and lets the world revolve around him.



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