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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny humor etc etc

 

Mental health Joke

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.


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Snowman Joke

What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? Have an ice day!


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Bumper Stickers - 3

Friends don't let friends drive naked!!


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Pig Joke

Why won't pigs take up jogging? They don't like to get that far from the table.


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School Joke for Kids

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, 'Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now. 'He looks at her and says angrily, 'Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so. ''Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right. 'To which he replied, 'Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so. ''Fine, ' she says, 'Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break. ''I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps, ' he says. 'Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!'So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. 'Honey, how'd this all get fixed?'She said, 'Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake. 'He said, 'So, what kind of cake did you bake him?'She replied, 'Hellooooo. . . Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?'


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Cat Joke

Q: How do cats buy things? - A: From a cat-alogue!


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Weirdest Joke

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: 'Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband' When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: 'Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up. '


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Bar Joke - 1

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. 'Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday' Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

'Well' the guy says, 'I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18'

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say 'happy birthday, happy birthday!'

The bartender asks 'So which one died?'

'No one. '

'But you only ordered two drinks!'

'Yeah, well, I've given up drinking. '


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Situations Humor

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when arobber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells tothe bartender, 'This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!' The scared bartender pleads, 'Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!' The robber yells, 'Shut up and empty the cash register!' The bartender says, 'Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!' The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!' 'Anything!' cries the bartender, 'Just don't shoot!' The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it backto the crook and yells, 'Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friendsmight walk in!'


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Music Joke

Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.



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