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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: funny college quotes etc etc

 

Computers Joke

Microsoft Market Penetration-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98 ! ! !Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating everyaspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive'98


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Situation Joke

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to thefront door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?, ' hesays. 'That's cool' says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobbyreplies politely that they will probably just go to the sodashop or a movie. Carrie's father responds 'why don't you two go out and screw?I hear all the kids are doing it. ' Naturally, this comes as aquite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. 'Yeah, ' says Carries father, 'Carrie really likes to screw;she'll screw all night if we let her!'Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan forthe evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minuteslater, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt andannounces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless withanticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:'Dammit Daddy! It's called the twist!'


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Situation Joke

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect fortheir fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing timestanding up. Roberts looks around and asks, 'Now, who is going to tell the wife?' They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. 'Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me. ' Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Rippington says, 'Your husband just lost $500 playing cards. ' She hollers, 'TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!' Rippington says, 'I'll tell him. '


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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!

Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked.


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Salesmen Joke

Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says 'all cotton. ' Salesman: Oh, That's just to keep the moths away.


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Mom and Dad Joke

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, 'When you can read this, come back and see me. '


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Animal World

How do you get an elephant into the fridge?1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?The door won't close. How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge?There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini. How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?By the footprints in the butter.


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Snake Joke

What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ? He died in agony !


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School Joke

Teacher, I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!


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At Work Joke

The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. 'I'm sorry, he's dead, ' was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: 'I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it. '



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