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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: fun etc etc

 

Business Joke

Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million.


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Sad Joke

Yo mama's so hairy. . . - Yo mama's so hairy, they filmed 'Gorillas in the Mist' in her shower. - Yo mama's so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her. - Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a head lock. - Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on. - Yo mama's so hairy, she has afros on her nipples. - Yo mama's so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth. - Yo mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker. - Yo mama's so hairy, she got a trim and lost 10 pounds. - Yo mama's so hairy, when she spreads her legs , the first thing that comes to my mind is 'We're going to Bush Gardens. '


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Food Joke

Why did the grape cross the road? To get away from the grapefruit.


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Dog Joke - 2

What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?
A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.


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Travel Joke

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, 'Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?' The man gets really indignant and says, 'Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?'


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Practical Joke

Top 50+ Geek T-Shirt slogans1. Cannot find REALITY. SYS. Universe halted. 2. COFFEE. EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key. 3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of2. 5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 6. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. 8. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN9. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL10. <----------------The information went data way-----------11. Best file compression around: 'DEL . ' = 100% compression12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. 13. BREAKFAST. COM Halted. . . Cereal Port Not Responding14. The name is Baud. . . . . . . James Baud. 15. BUFFERS FILES_ 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!16. Access deniedInah nah na nah nah!17. c:> Bad Command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay. . . 19. Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'20. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. 21. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)22. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups. 23. E Pluribus Modem24. >. . . File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)25. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny26. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. 27. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. 28. CONGRESS. SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington, D. C. ? (Y/N)29. Does fuzzy logic tickle?30. A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. 31. 11th commandemnt - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Pentium. 32. 24 hours in a day . . . 24 beers in a case. . . coincidence?33. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. 34. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 35. SENILE. COM found . . . Out of Memory. . . 36. Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?37. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. 38. RAM disk is not an installation procedure. 39. Shell to DOS. . . Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS. . . 40. All computers wait at the same speed. 41. Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors. 42. Press -- to continue. . . 43. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. . . 44. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. . . 45. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!46. E-mail returned to senderIinsufficient voltage. 47. Help! I'm modeming. . . and I can't hang up!!!48. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?49. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 50. '640K ought to be enough for anybody. ' - Bill Gates, 198151. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCRS. SYS to CONFIG. SYS52. Hidden DOS Secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG. SYS53. Press any key. . . no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!54. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. . . 55. Go ahead, make my data


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Bumper Stickers - 2

Beer: making woman look better since 1965.


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Love and Marriage Joke

Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up.

The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, 'After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy. '

Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, 'Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own. '


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Totally Weird Joke

What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone?Divorced


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Money Joke

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5. 00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5. '00



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