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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: fun humor etc etc

 

Cannibal Joke

What did the cannibal have for lunch? Baked beings (beans).


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Totally Weird Joke

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. BUTT (but) n female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger. ' male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n female: A desire to get married and raise a family. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. female: A good movie, concert, play or book. male: Anything that can be done while drinkingFLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.


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Mother Joke

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I asked her not to do that.

“Why?

“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has
germs. ”

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and
asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” I was thinking quickly, “…everyone knows this stuff. Um,
it’s on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you
be a Mommy. ”

“Oh. ” We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information.

“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the
Daddy. ”


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Dog Joke - 2

What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour? A double crosser.


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Relationships Joke

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. 'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh. Killing any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, ' he replied. Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell?'He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone. '


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Strange Humor

Some possible titles for the new Bill Clinton movie:Dial M for Monica Saving Clinton's Privates All the President's Women The Lying King Free Willy Terms of Impeachment Driving Miss Monica Independent Counsel Day The Six Commandments The Full Monica President on a Hot Tin Roof Red Faced in October Honey, I Shrunk the Presidency Bedtime for Bubba The Me Lie Massacre!


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Knock Knock Joke - 3

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Oliver.
Oliver who?
Oliver across the road from you!


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Dumb Blonde Joke

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. 00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, 'What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?'

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, 'What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?'

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50. 00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, 'What is the answer to your question?'

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.


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Situations Humor

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes thedrink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: 'Come on man, I wasjust joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to seea man crying. ''No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, Ioverslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to go my car, I found out it was stolen. Thepolice, said they could do nothing. I got a cab to go home, and after I paidthe cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife with the gardener. I left homeand came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end tomy life, you show up and drink my poison . . . '


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Medical Joke

An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumblesinto a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to thereceptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examinationbed and says, 'Stick it through that curtain. 'Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out hispenis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains. 'That's not a foot!' screams the nurse on duty. 'Holy shit, lady!' the drunk exclaims, 'I never knew you hada minimum!'



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