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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: colleges etc etc

 

Various animal Joke

Turtle to turtle: 'Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?'


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Sport Joke

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. 'So, how did you do son?' he asked. 'You'll never believe it!' Billy said. 'I was responsible for the winning run!''Really? How'd you do that?' 'I dropped the ball. '


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Sport Joke

How does a physicist exercise? By pumping ion!


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Joke for Speeches

What the world is like in TV land:1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall. 2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation. 3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength. 4. The suburbs are exciting. 5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys. 6. Good guys are always outnumbered. 7. Good guys always win and get the girl. 8. Good guys are always good looking. 9. Ugly people are always bad guys. 10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways. 11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men. 12. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness. 13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor. 14. Cars will explode in all accidents. 15. Everyone has a dark secret. 16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten. 17. Haunted houses are never locked. 18. The police are smart. 19. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg. 20. All Asian people know Karate. 21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music. 22. Rich people are unhappy and evil. 23. Teenagers are smarter than their parents. 24. Indians make good cannon fodder. 25. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders. 26. Computers never crash. a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's. b) Computers know everything. c) The same 2 keys are used to do everythingd) The user is typing constantly just to display screens of info27. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth. 28. No one farts, except after eating beans. 29. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys. 30. Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if it works. 31. Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three or four days. 32. Movies based on true stories are made up. 33. Police never wait for back-up. 34. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted. 35. Private detective work is glamorous. 36. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs. 37. All police killings are in self-defense. 38. Everyone wins in Las Vegas. 39. Good guys don't do drugs. 40. The world is teeming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with pennyless young guys. 41. Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry. 42. High School students look thirty years old. 43. Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean. 44. Street vendors' carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases. 45. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool. 46. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset. 47. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out. 48. The group always splits up to look for the alien. 49. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot. 50. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials. 51. The crazed killer always steps out from behind the door without the victim seeing or hearing him until he is about to drive a huge carving knife or pitchfork into them. 52. Whenever someone hears a noise in the dark they always have to check it out. 53. The crazed killer always walks and still catches the person he wants to kill. 54. All people chasing someone can catch up to a constant distance behind them quickly, but can't use that speed to actually catch the person they're chasing. 55. No-one ever locks a car when they get out of it (even in New York).


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Travel and tourist Joke

In Alaska's National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory: 'Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic. ' To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. 'Also, ' he said further, 'be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings. ' One tourist asked, 'How do you identify bear droppings?' 'Oh That's easy, ' the guide explained, 'its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!'


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Dog Joke - 2

What kind of dog is the smartest? A great brain!


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Lawyer Joke

3 dudes die a lawyer, police man, and a doctorat the pearly gates the police man walks up 2 saint peter and says 'I have put criminals away and stopped many crimes like murder, can I getinto heaven?'Saint Peter: 'um sorry we're sorta having a party so no'the doctor walks up 2 saint peter and says'I have saved many lives and helped people feel better, can I get into heaven?'Saint Peter: 'nope we're kinda busy right now'the lawyer walks up and says 'I've sued many people, can I get into heaven?'Saint Peter: 'sure come on in! join the party!'the police man and the doctor walk up to saint peter and ask 'why'd he get in and not us?'Saint Peter: 'we dont get many of his kind around here. '


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Funny Kids Joke

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?A hoppercraft!


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Bumper Stickers - 4

I Wonder How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges


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Dirty Joke

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, 'Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!' 'Darling, ' the wife said, spitting out her gag. 'I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. '



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