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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: collegehumor etc etc

 

Celebrities Joke

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps. Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you. Homer: Why you little -- !


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Funny Kids Joke

Q: What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog?A: Chump chops!Q: How many seasons are there in a dogs life?A: Just one, the moulting season!Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come!Q: Why is it called a 'litter' of puppies?A: Because they mess up the whole house!Q: How do you stop a dog smelling?A: Put a peg on it's nose!Q: What is the best time to take a Rottweiler for a walk?A: Any times he wants to!Q: When is a black dog not a black dog?A: When it's a greyhound!Q: How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?A: Melon-collie!Q: What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?A: Hush puppies!Q: What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?A: Slush puppies!


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Cow Joke

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? 'Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo


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Knock Knock Joke - 3

Knock Knock Who's there ! Byron ! Byron who ? Byron new suit !


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Weather Joke

Why do tornadoes move so erratically? -They are dizzy


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Love and Marriage Joke

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It's easy! I turn off the light!


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Joke for Halloween

Yesterday, after extensive testing, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. . . yes, it's true. To prove their theory, the scientists had 100 men consume 12 bottles of beer. They then observed that 100% of them:1: Gained weight. 2: Talked excessively without making sense. 3: Became emotional. 4: Called home just to see if anyone called. 5: Couldn't drive. 6: Went to the bathroom in groups. 7: Rearranged the furniture for no apparent reason. No further testing is planned.


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Funny Famous Joke

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs. 16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your a**. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 13. Pee. 14. Rinse off and get out of shower. 15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 16. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 19. Throw wet towel on bed.


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Mental health Joke

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? 'How many do you think it takes?'


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Blonde Joke - 1

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, 'READY, AIM' and the brunette yells 'TORNADO!' All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away. Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, 'READY, AIM' and the redhead yells 'HURRICANE!' Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away. Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, 'READY, AIM' and the blonde yells 'FIRE!' and gets shot.



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