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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college wild parties etc etc

 

School Joke

When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
When they had lots of sleepless knights!

How do bees get to school?
By school buzz!

How did you do in your tests?
I did what George Washington did!

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!

Teacher: You copies from Fred's exam paper didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says 'I don't know' and you have put 'Me, neither'!

What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life!



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Village Idiot Joke

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?USA Today:WE'RE DEADThe Wall Street Journal:DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDSNational Enquirer:O. J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAINPlayboy:GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSEMicrosoft Systems Journal:APPLE LOSES MARKET SHAREVictoria's Secret Catalog:OUR FINAL SALESports Illustrated:GAME OVERWired:THE LAST NEW THINGRolling Stone:THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOURReaders Digest:'BYEDiscover Magazine:HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?TV Guide:DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!Lady's Home Journal:LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW 'ARMAGEDDON' DIET!America Online:SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc. magazine:TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSEMicrosoft's Web Site:IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777. EXE


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Situations Humor

A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed. About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and legs on her front porch. 'I'm here about your ad, ' he says. 'You must be mistaken, ' she says. 'Let me explain, ' he says. 'I can't beat you, I don't have any arms. And I can't run away because I don't have any legs. ' 'But, ' she asks, 'How do I know you're good in bed?' 'I rang the doorbell, didn't I?'


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Bumper Stickers - 6

Never eat more than you can lift.


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Elderly People Joke

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.


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Worlds Best Joke

By Bill AdlerA Teenager is. . . A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. . A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast. . A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday. Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room. A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed. A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license. A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study. An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes. A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud. A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother. A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a Michael Jackson concert. A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week. A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off. A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing. An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.


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Bumper Stickers - 2

Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous.


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Joke for Halloween

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - 'Get me a coffee, quickly!'The voice from the other side responded, 'You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?''No, ' replied the trainee. 'It's the CEO of the company, you fool!'The trainee shouts back, 'And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!''No. ' replied the CEO indignantly. 'Good!' replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.


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Dance Joke

What is a frog's favorite dance? The Lindy Hop.


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Farmer Joke

Why are farmers cruel? Because they pull corn by the ears.



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