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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college ringtones etc etc

 

Clinton Joke

Q: How does Bill Clinton say 'I'm about to hurt you'? A: 'Trust me. '


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Silliest Joke

There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted. The first guy said ' I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter. The second guy said 'I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter. The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said 'God, make me better than both of them, make me '1


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Aviation Joke

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: 'I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog. ' 'But how do you know when you are going to land?' he was asked. 'I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground' he answered. 'But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?' he was again asked. He quickly answered: 'Oh, the dog's leash goes slack. '


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Insect Joke

What did the spider say to the fly ? We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?


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Free Adult Joke

The old spinster was rocking on her front porch with her tomcat at her feet, when a good fairy suddenly appeared before her and offered her three wishes. 'Aw, go on, ' the little old lady said in disbelief, 'if you can grant three wishes, let's see you turn this rocking chair into a pile of gold?'The good fairy waved her hand, and 'pouf', the rocking chair turned into a pile of pure gold. Her face lighting up, the lady said 'I really get two more wishes?''Yes', the good fairy assured her. 'Anything your heart desires. ''Then make me into a beautiful, voluptuous young woman. ' Another wave of her hand, and the wish was granted. 'Finally, make my faithful old cat into a tall, dark and handsome young man. 'The good fairy waved her hand and disappeared as the third wish came true, and a handsome muscular young man stood where the tomcat had just been sleeping. The young man approached the once-old lady, took her in his arms and murmured. . . 'Now, aren't you sorry you sent me to the vet?'


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Easy to Remember Joke

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?A: Gifted!


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Joke Online

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts. An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts. In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a corset inspector. )However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because 'the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male. 'It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing. Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term. In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in. A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons. Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio, a man might see the reflection of something 'he oughtn't!'No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and 'her name is to be published in the local newspaper. ' The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed. In Las Vegas, Nevada: It's against the law to pawn your dentures. In Natoma, Kansas; It's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites. Idaho Falls, Idaho: If you're 88 years of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle. In Vermont: It's against the law (not to mention impossible) to whistle under water. In Alabama: It's illegal to play dominoes on Sunday. In Barber, North Carolina: It's illegal for a cat to fight a dog (or vice versa). In Clawson City, Michigan: It's illegal to sleep with chickens. A pet rooster cannot say cock-a-doodle-do within the city limits of Mount Dora, Fl. In Richmond, Va. , you must buy a license for 93 cents to sell song books on the street. The U. S. government says it's a crime to give false weather reports. In Gary, Ind. , you cannot go straight to the theater after eating garlic. You can be fined $500 if you bother a butterfly in Pacific Grove, Ca. In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband's pockets while he is sleeping. There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike. In Waterloo, Neb. , barbers cannot eat onions between 7 a. m. and 7 p. m. Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, N. Y. In New York, you can teach your pet parrot to speak, but not to squawk. Cars are not allowed to scare horses in Centerville, Ohio. On the books in Tennessee:In Alamo: A person found intoxicated must be given a large dose of castor oil by a local doctor. . . and failure to gulp it down will result in a fine. In Newport: It's against the law to tickle a girl under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention. In Collierville: Keeping clean can be a chilly proposition, as a law there says all bathtubs must be kept in the backyard. In Waverly: You better not let your horse near the tub, since horses are prohibited from sleeping in them, as well as in the house. In Wartburg: The town strictly forbids single, widowed or divorced women from parachuting on Sunday!It is against the law to have disco dance contests last more than eight hours. It is against the law to call another person a coward if he refuses to duel.


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Yo momma Joke

Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.


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Travel and tourist Joke

Two Yanks touring London in a taxi. What is that asked one of the Yank's. Why that is Buckingham Palace answered the taxi driver. Well you should see the states we have much bigger houses over there, and that. That is the Post Office Tower. Oh our towers are much bigger. This went on for much of the day until they went past a another building. Our buildings are much bigger than that one too. I thought it might be said the taxi driver, That is the mental institute


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Car and train Joke

What should a teacher take if he's run down? The number of the car that hit him.



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