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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college picture etc etc

 

Ethnic Humor

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: 'I don't like Chinese. ' The First Officer replies: 'Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?' 'Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese. ' 'Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese. ' 'Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese. . . it doesn't matter, you're all alike. ' Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: 'No like Jew. ' 'Why not? Why don't you like Jews?' 'Jews sink Titanic. ' 'The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg. ' 'Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah . . . all da same. 'Sent by Renata


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Love and Marriage Joke

In West Kerry, the wife commented, 'When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. You don't love me any more. . . . ' 'Nonsense, darling, ' replied the husband, 'you cook better now. '


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Sporting Joke

Our small town used to have a bowling alley, but somebody stole the pin.


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Kids School Joke

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load!


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Best Joke

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, 'Lord, I have a problem!' 'What's the problem, Eve?' 'Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy. ' 'Why is that, Eve?' came the reply from above. 'Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples. ' 'Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you. ' 'What's a 'man


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Bumper Stickers - 2

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.


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Stupid Blonde Joke

Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says 'lather, rinse, repeat'.


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Dumb Men Joke

Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring, and the majority.


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Mixed Joke

WOMEN S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI m sorry. = You ll be sorry. We need. . . = I wantIt s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want. . . = You ll pay for this later. We need to talk. . . = I need to complain Sure. . . go ahead = I don t want you to. I m not upset = Of course I m upset, you moron! You re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = . . . and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper. . . . . Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you re really not going to like. I ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Am I fat? = Tell me I m beautiful. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you re dead. Was that the baby? = Why don t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. In response to What s wrong?:The same old thing = NothingNothing = EverythingNothing, really = It s just that you re such an idiot!


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Spiked Humor

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. An ad on the subway in NYC: 'Learn to read and speak English. Call us now. ' An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: 'Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed. ' Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: 'Used beer department. ' On a store front in Florida: 'Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!' A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: 'Smile, You're on Radar!' Seen in a State Park in California: 'Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado. '



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