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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college movies etc etc

 

Ghost Joke

Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to fly? He was pleased to be back on terror-firma.


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Law Enforcement Joke

Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, 'Go kill your wife of five years. ' The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, 'I can't do it. ' The instructor replied, 'Then you fail out, so get out. 'The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, 'Go kill your wife of ten years. ' The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, 'I can't do it. ' The instructor replied, 'Then you fail out - get out. ' Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said, 'Go kill your wife of fifteen years. ' The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said, 'You gave me blanks, so I had to choke her. '


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Answer me this Joke

Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time: Where do' solutions go when a candidate gets elected?


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Business Joke

These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough, when Friday came, the boss left early. Therefore, the two men left also. The one offered the other to join him down at the bar, but he decided to just head on home. When he arrived home, he heard a noise from up stairs. When he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that the noise was coming from the bedroom. He opened the door and saw his boss sleeping with his wife, so he quietly closed the door and headed back down the stairs and out the front door. He made his way down to the bar to see if his friend was still there and he was. His friend asked, 'I thought you were headed home?' The man replied, 'I did, but this is the last time I ever leave work early a gain. ' His friend asked, 'Why's that?' The man replied, 'I almost got caught by the boss. '


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Satire Joke

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. 'I know this midget who wants to buy a horse. He has a slight speech impediment, so listen carefully, I'm sending him over. 'The Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. 'A female horth, ' the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. 'Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?' So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. 'Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?' So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. 'OK, what about the earsth?'Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears. 'OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat. ' With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, 'Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!'


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Waiter Joke

Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup! Then we've served you too much soup, the fly should be wading


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Bumper Stickers - 3

Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.


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Kids Puns

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning!


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Funniest Joke

The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. The Jews had trouble throughout their history with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apolstles. Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients. Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments. The seventh commandment is 'thou shalt not admit adultery'Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. The people who followed Jesus was called the 12 decibles. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opposums was St. Matthew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.


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Kids School Joke

Why are spiders like tops?They are always spinning!



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