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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college life etc etc

 

Accountant Joke

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. 'Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night. ' 'Have you tried counting sheep?' 'That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it. '


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Food and Drink Joke

How do you know that a elephant's been in the fridge? There are foot prints in the butter. '


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Love and Marriage Joke

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. 'What's wrong?' The depressed one replied, 'I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away. ' The other lady asked, 'What did they used to do?' The depressed lady replied, 'Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician. ' And the other said, 'Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go. '


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Government Humor

What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?Kneel to the Chief!


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Free Adult Joke

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child. ) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside. ) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off his medication. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer / tool in the shed. Not Turing equivalent. Not wrapped too tight. Nothing between the stethoscopes. Nothing on her radar. Numb as a post / pounded thumb. Number 'n a hake. (New England expression a notoriously stupid fish. ) Nutty as a fruitcake.


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Joke for Speeches

After an argument with his wife, a man stalked out of the house. He returned a few hours later to find his wife packing a suitcase. He angrily asked her where she was going. 'I'm moving to Las Vegas. I can make $400-500 there doing what I give you for free. 'The man thought about this for a moment, then pulled out his own suitcase and began packing. His wife asked where HE was going. 'I'm going to Las Vegas, too. I want to see how you manage to live on $800 a year!'


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Men Joke

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


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Ethnic Joke - 2

What did Arafat say to Clinton?'Sheep don't talk, my friend. '


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Blonde Joke - 1

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, 'I can't take this, you're my friend. ' But the blonde insisted saying, 'No. A bet's a bet. ' Then the redhead said 'Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money. ' The blonde replied 'Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!'


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Dog Joke - 2

What is a Chihuahua's favorite sport? Miniature golf!



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