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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college ladies etc etc

 

Legal Humor

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren'tprepared for the answer:In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called hisfirst witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. Heapproached her and asked, 'Mrs. . Jones, do you know me?' Sheresponded, 'Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you sinceyou were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointmentto me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talkabout them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when youhaven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything morethan a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. 'The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed acrossthe room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'She replied, 'Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was ayoungster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. Hecan't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice isone of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated onhis wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, Iknow him. ' The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a veryquiet voice said, 'If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt. '


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Ethnic Joke - 2

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, 'We have the Parthenon'The Italian says, 'We have the Colosseum'The Greek says 'We had great Mathematicians'The Italian says 'We had the Roman Empire'. . . and so on and so on and then the Greek says: 'We invented sex'The Italian says 'That is true, but it was the Italians whointroduced it to women. '


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Animal World

How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager StyleSenior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based onthe assumption that elephants are just like field mice, butwith deeper voices. Sent by Alex


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Funny Famous Joke

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?About 5 drinks.


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History Joke

Why did the Romans build straight roads ? So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !


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Aviation Joke

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. So me passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: 'You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!'


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Doctor Joke

Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, 'I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment. '

'So what makes you think your doctor is any better?' asked his friend.

'Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment. '


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Various animal Joke

How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.


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Village Idiot Joke

A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the . How do you tell them apart? The bleached blonde would never throw bread to the helicopters.


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College Humor

Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. Fetch command not available on all platforms. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. Too difficult to 'mark' every website they visit. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear 'You've Got Mail. ' Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www. pethouse. com instead of working. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. Still trying to come up with an 'emoticon' that signifies tail-wagging. Oh, but they WILL. . . with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand. . . Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt. pictures. master's. leg. Too Hard To Type With Paws.



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