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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college jokes etc etc

 

Weird Women Joke

A little boy walks up to his father and says, 'Dad, what does a pussy look like?' Father responds, 'well son, before or after sex?' Son, 'Well, before?' Father, 'picture a tulip with all the petals son. ' Son, 'well what about after?' Father, 'Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!'


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Various animal Joke

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.


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Law Joke

Lawyer: Now that your case is settled, I'd like to explain my fees to you. You owe me $500 now and $347. 26 a month for the next 36 months.

Client: 'I've never heard of such a fee schedule! Why, it sounds like car payments!'

Lawyer: 'You're right -- mine. '


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Mad Joke

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. 102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant? A: And you thought blondes were dumb. 103. Q: What will she ask you? A: 'Is it mine?'104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. 105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. 106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. 107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. 108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. 109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? A: Wishful Thinking. 110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!111. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. 112. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!113. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade. 114. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. 115. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread. 116. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke. 117. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and 'The Titanic'? A: They know how many men went down on 'The Titanic'. 118. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. 119. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone. 120. Q: What's the difference between a blonde girl and a blond guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.


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Joke for Halloween

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitely small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.


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Funny Famous Joke

A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money. She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps. The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps. The blonde throws up her money, and yells, 'God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep. '


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Mom and Dad Joke

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: 'Some parents, ' she said, 'tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family. ' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife. '' One of the women spoke up immediately. 'Does she cook???'


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War Joke

A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him: hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The sailor says: yeah well, in the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.


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Dumb Blonde Joke

What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car? Dual air bags!


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Christmas Joke - 1

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything!-Charlie Viracola



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