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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college hot etc etc

 

Sport Joke

What's tennis players favourite city? Volley wood!


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Monster Joke

How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.


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Joke for Kids

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. 'Save!' I said, 'You cursed mother! Save my data from before!' One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From 'Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?'With my fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim, they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'To this day I do not know the place to which lost data goes. What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'


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Satire Joke

A student had spent all his money, so he called his mother from college and asked if she could send him some. 'Of course, I'll send you some money, dear, ' Mom said. 'By the way, you left your calculus book here when you visited last month. Would you like me to send that to you too?' 'Ummmmm, oh yeah, OK Mom, ' the boy replied. So, Mom wrapped the book, together with the checks, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the parcel. When she returned, Dad asked, 'So, how much did you send him this time?' 'I wrote two checks, one for $'20


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Irish Joke

It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: 'Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said, 'Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time. 'And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the court without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life. He gasped, 'I don't understand it!' The young beauty answered, 'Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck. '


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Beauty Joke

I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But That's the problem - you don't please anyone.


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Teeth Joke

Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?. . . Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it


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Military Joke

Q: How many U. S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .


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Easter Joke

What is the Easter Bunny's favourite kind of story? A cotton tale!


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Knock Knock Joke - 3

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Tarzan.
Tarzan who?
Tarzan stripes of the USA.



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