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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college fun etc etc

 

Clean Humor

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. 'What a ripoff, ' the man muttered. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman. ' Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, 'Who are you to question that woman's punishment?'


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Idiot and fool Joke

Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years, and the very day after he took that medicine, he heard from America!


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Gender Joke

Reasons why it's great to be a guyPhone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. Monday Night Football. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You can open all your own jars. Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. Your last name stays put. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. You can kill your own food. The garage is all yours. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. You never have to clean the toilet. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. The National College Cheerleading Championship None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. You don't have to shave below your neck. If you're 34 and single nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. Flowers fix everything. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't care if someone notices your new haircut. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking: He must be mad at me. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you. You get to jump up and slap stuff. One mood, all the time. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. Same work. . . . more pay. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back. You don't mooch off others' desserts. The remote is yours and yours alone. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. ESPN's sports center. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. You needn't pretend you're 'freshening up' to go to the bathroom. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'So. . . notice anything different?' Baywatch There is always a game on somewhere.


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School Joke

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, 'Hey wake that student up!' The neighbor yells back, 'You put him to sleep, you wake him up!'


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Website Joke

What surfs the Internet and goes, 'Choo, Choo'? Thomas the Search Engine.


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Bible Joke

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. 'I'm blessing it' the priest replied. The rabbi replied 'Oh, ' then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.


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Men Joke

Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and Oh My God!!!


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Police Joke

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, 'meow', the cop says, 'oh, its only a cat' He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, 'woof, woof'. The cop says, 'its only a dog'. He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, 'potato'


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Redneck Joke

What's an orgasm, mom? I don't know, dear. . . ask your father.


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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, 'Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me. ' So the Doberman says, 'I love liver and cheese. ' The Collie replies, 'That's not good enough. ' The Bulldog says, 'I hate liver and cheese. ' She says, 'That's not creative enough. ' Finally, the Chihuahua says, 'Liver alone . . . cheese mine. '



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