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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college football etc etc

 

Travel Humor

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer. ) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: 'They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!' The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. 'And what's so funny?!?' the New Yorker demands. 'Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food. '


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Satire Joke

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates! Yo mama aint so bad. . . she would give you the hair off of her back! Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray. It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat! Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them. Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it. Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone. Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on. Yo mama twice the man you are. Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo. Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine. Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear. Yo mama middle name is Rambo. Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, 'You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more. ' Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals. Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday. Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound. Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo. Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck. I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle. I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said 'Moving. ' Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.


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Doctor and nurse Joke

Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here. . . it hurts, and here. . . it hurts, and here. . . and here. . . What do you think is wrong with me? You have a broken finger!


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Situations Humor

Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. 'Quick, man, ' he whispered to the waiter, 'what did they say?' 'Nothing, ' replied the waiter. 'They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets. '


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Romance Joke

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?Outlaws are wanted.


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Worst Joke

A long time ago, way back then. . . we used to spell Canada, Cnd. Why? you ask. Well it's really simple. . . It's because we forgot the eh?


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Love and Marriage Joke

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. -- GuitryAh Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- BorgeAlways talk to your wife while you're making love. . . if there's a phone handy. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha ChristieAnd I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise. Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- SocratesCorrection: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago.


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Just for Laughs Joke

How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?. . . Three in front and three in back. . .


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Naughty Joke

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visaapplication. The border official look s over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' intothe small space labeled 'SEX'. The official explains: 'No, no, no. That is not what wemean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'. ' 'Doesn't matter, ' the tourist answers.


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Ethnic Humor

A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again. So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day. Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise. They told him the story. 'Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?'The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, 'Did you buy this cow from Minsk?''Rabbi!' they replied as one, 'You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?'The Rabbi said, sadly, 'My wife is from Minsk. '



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