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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college discussion etc etc

 

Various animal Joke

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. 'There' says the vet, ' Your hamster is dead'. Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. 'It's definitely dead sir', says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. 'That will be L'1000


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Old Age Joke

The doctor tells his patient: 'Well I have good news and bad news. . . ' The patient says, 'Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?' 'You have Alzheimer's disease. ' 'Good heavens! What's the good news?' 'You can go home and forget about it!'


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Dirty Joke

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.


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Cow Joke

What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.


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Vampire Joke

Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.


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Food Joke

Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.


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Mom and Dad Joke

My Mother taught me LOGIC. . . 'If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me. ' My Mother taught me MEDICINE. . . 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way. ' My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD. . . 'If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!' My Mother taught me ESP. . . 'Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?' My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE. . . 'What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you. . . Don't talk back to me!' My Mother taught me HUMOR. . . 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. ' My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT. . . 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS. . . 'You are just like your father!' My mother taught me about my ROOTS. . . 'Do you think you were born in a barn?' My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE. . . 'When you get to be my age, you will understand. ' My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. . . 'Just wait until your father gets home. ' My mother taught me about RECEIVING. . . 'You are going to get it when we get home. ' And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE. . . 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!'


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Bumper Stickers - 5

I'm not driving fast-just flying low.


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Joke of the Day

A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him. He started out with a quote, 'Behold, I cometh. . . . . ' but he couldn't remember the rest of it. So he trys to regain his composure, backs up an starts again. . . 'Behold I cometh. . . ' but he still couldn't remember. So he rears back and shouts again, 'Behold I cometh! . . . ' but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row!He was embarassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered. . . 'It isn't your fault sonny - you told me you were coming three times. . . I should have moved!'


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Blonde Joke - 1

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.



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