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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: college courses etc etc


Dumb Joke

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?' The third fellow says 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees. ' The first two guys were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked. 'She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'. '

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Miscellaneous Joke

An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, 'You're really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?' 'I fell overboard, ' says the Captain, 'and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark bit it off. ' 'Terrible, ' says the sailor. 'And what happened to your hand?' 'We attacked a man-o'-war, ' says the Captain, 'and one of the attackees chopped it off with a saber. ' 'Awful, ' says the sailor. 'And how did you lose your eye?' 'Seagull droppings, ' says the Captain. 'Amazing, ' says the sailor. 'I didn't know seagull droppings could put your eye out. ' 'Can't, ' says the Captain. 'But it was my first day with the hook. '

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Joke for Holidays

Thoughts From Women About Being A WomanThe hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. * Helen Hayes (at 73)I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrow. * Janette BarberThings are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. * Lily TomlinA male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. * Carrie SnowOld age ain't no place for sissies. * Bette DavisIf you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. * Catherine AirdA man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. * Rhonda HansomeThe phrase 'working mother' is redundant. * Jane SellmanWhatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. * Charlotte WhittonThirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. * Caryn LeschenWhoever thought up the word 'Mammogram'? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. * Jan KingI try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. * Jennifer UnlimitedWhen I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!* Kathy BuckleyI'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. * Dolly PartonYou see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. * Erica JongIf high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. * Sue GraftonLaugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. * Laurie KuslanskyI think - therefore I'm single. * Lizz WinsteadYou know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. * Geri JewellWhen women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. * Elayne BooslerBehind every successful man is a surprised woman. * Maryon PearsonIn politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman. * Margaret ThatcherI have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. * Gloria SteinemI never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. * Marie CorelliIf men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?* Linda EllerbeeNobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. * Eleanor Roosevelt

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Marriage Joke

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, 'I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two. '

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, 'I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us. '

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Joke for Kids

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house. They both decided it was time to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage. 'Where will you live?' asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute. 'Well, ' said Little Johnny, 'I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us. ''And how will you live?''I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough. 'Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, 'And what if little ones come along?''Well, ' said Little Johnny, 'we've been lucky so far!'

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Law Enforcement Joke

When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least. 'You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old. '

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Ethnic Joke - 2

What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner? Reservations.

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Lawyer Joke

After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort. While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn't seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a 'burnout' in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him. Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. 'Pete, it's Joe. From high school. It's sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself. ''I am, ' whispered Pete. 'I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don't tell mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money. '

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At Work Joke

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potentialemployee's application and notices that the man has neverworked in retail before. He says to the man, 'For a man with no experience, you arecertainly asking for a high wage. ''Well Sir, ' the applicant replies, 'the work is so much harderwhen you don't know what you'redoing!'

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