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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: clean humor etc etc

 

Music Joke

Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants? A: They've had little use.


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Law Enforcement Joke

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: 'I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?' The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: 'Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold. ' A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: 'You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden. ' The prisoner wrote another letter: 'Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!'


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Worlds Best Joke

One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet. Whilst on this luxury aeroplane Mark asks where the toilet is. John shows him and says to him 'inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one. ' Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryers appear and dry his privates. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The next thing Mark sees is John staring at him. . . . . 'what happened?' Mark asks shakily. 'Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital. ' 'Why do my privates hurt so bad?' Mark asked anxiously. . John replies 'Well you activated the automatic tampon remover. '


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Mad Joke

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, 'Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?' The boy baby quickly chirps up, 'I'm a boy baby!' 'How can you tell?' asks girl baby. 'Easy, ' says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. 'See. . . . . blue booties'


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Law and Lawyer Joke

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he's had enough. The bartender said, 'I've got to ask you - what's with the pocket business?'The man replied, 'I have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I've had enough. '


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Cannibal Joke

What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2? He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!


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Police Joke

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, 'Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?' 'Ever go a fishin'?' the policeman suddenly asked the man. 'Ummm, yeah. . . ' the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, 'Did you ever catch 'em all?'


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Bumper Stickers - 4

If you can read this the bitch fell off.


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Sport Joke

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, a crossbar can't jump!


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Elephant Joke

What goes up slowly and comes down quickly ? An elephant in a lift !



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