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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: christian humor etc etc

 

Kids Puns

MORE REJECTED CHILDRENS BOOK TITLES:1. Juggling Knives is Easy2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want5. 'Whatcha' Doin'' the Wonderful Phrase6. 101 Games to Play in the Road7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Divingboard is the Flusher8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games10. Arthur Gets Hunted11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi12. Monsters Killed Grandpa13. The hit sequel to 'Elvis is your real dad' Mrs. Clause is your real Mom14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul15. All Guns Squirt Water16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish20. 101 recipies to make with Dog21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree22. The New Boy is Bad23. Your Nightmares are real24. The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious. . . . . 28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption29. Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap30. Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower31. Grampa Gets A Casket32. Dad's New Wife Robert33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refridgerator


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Mom Joke


Q: What is a genius?
A: An average student with a Jewish Mother.


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Dead and dying Joke

What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.


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Naughty Joke

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . . the works. Finally he asked her, 'Does your Mother feed you like this at home?' 'No, ' she said, 'but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either. '


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Bar Joke - 2

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, 'Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?'She yells, 'No, I won't sleep with you tonight!'Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, 'I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations. 'To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, 'What do you mean $200!?!'


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Horse Joke

What is the strongest animal? A racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!


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Just for Laughs Joke

There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat. So he said to the lady, 'Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat. 'Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, 'You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!'So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. 'Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?'Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, 'You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!'So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, 'Move your mutt lady!' The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child. Finally he'd had enough and grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. The woman sat in disbelief until the man accross the isle said, 'You damn Americans, you do everything wrong!You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the fork in the wrong hand, and NOW YOU THROW THE WRONG BITCH OUT THE WINDOW!'


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Animal World

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, 'I see she caught you at it, too. '


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School Joke for Kids

THE FACTS OF LIFEThe 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can't buy happiness. . . But it sure makes misery easier to live with. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.


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Free Adult Joke

His pointers are 'null' / uninitialized. His puzzle is missing a few pieces. His reaction time is longer than his attention span. -- Thaves His root file system isn't mounted. His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position. His shared libraries aren't installed. His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon. His spark can't jump the gap. His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth. His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack. His string's aren't 'null'-terminated. His strip is demagnetized. His system administrator is never in. His train tracks aren't quite parallel. His URL denies outside access. His watch dog is sleeping. His wisdom is stolen from bumper-stickers and T-shirts. Hitler's evil twin. Hyperspatially interconnected / permanently disconnected neural net. Hypnotized as a child and couldn't be woken. I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth. If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage. If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose / her hat off / the wax out of her ears. If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio. If brains were grains of sand, he couldn't fill a dixie cup. If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea. If God tried to help him, we'd have an eight day week. If he donated his brain to science it'd set civilization back 50 years.



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