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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: campus college etc etc

 

Office Humor

When God made man, he made him out of string. He had a little left, so he left a little thing. When God made woman, he made her out of lace. He didn't have enough, so he left a little space.


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Weather Joke

How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt? Thunderstruck


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Bumper Stickers - 2

A church alive is worth the surprise!!


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Aviation Joke

ATC: 'Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ' Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating. ' ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years. '


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Dirty Joke

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked 'Did I just see you swallow something?' 'Yep, that was my birth control pill. ' said the driver. 'Birth control pill?' asked the patrolman. 'Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed. '


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Bar Joke - 1

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, 'You look terrible. What's the problem?' 'My mother died in August, ' he said, 'and left me $'25


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Totally Weird Joke

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, 'How long have you been down there?'The Indian replied, 'Many moons. '


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Mouse Joke

What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak ? Mouse code !


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Computer Joke

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God. . . . 'Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go. ' 'Well, what's the difference between the two?' Bill asks. God says, 'I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision. ' 'Fine, but where should I go first?' 'I'll leave that up to you. ' 'Okay, then,' says Bill. 'Let me try Hell first. ' So Bill goes to Hell. It's a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect. He is very pleased. 'This is great!' he tells God. 'If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!' 'Fine,' says God, and off they go. Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It's nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides. 'Hmm. I think I'd prefer Hell,' he tells God. 'Fine,' replies God. 'As you desire. ' So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. 'How's everything going?' he asks Bill. Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, 'This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?' 'Oh . . . that was the SCREENSAVER. '


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Funny College Joke

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. * He who hesitates is probably right. * Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. * No one is listening until you make a mistake. * Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. * The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. * The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. * The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. * To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. * Two wrongs are only the beginning. * You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. * Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. * The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. * A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. * If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. * Change is inevitable. . . . except from vending machines. * Don't sweat petty things. . . . or pet sweaty things. * A fool and his money are soon partying. * Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation. * Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. * Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it! * If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. * How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands. . . . * Attempt to get a new car for your spouse. . . . it'll be a great trade! * Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. * I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. * Everybody repeat after me. . . . 'We are all individuals. ' * Death to all fanatics! * Guests who kill talk show hosts. . . . On the last Geraldo. * Chastity is curable, if detected early. * Don't be sexist; broads hate that! * Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. * Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. * Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. * Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. * Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked in jet engines. * Borrow money from pessimists. . . . they don't expect it back. * Beware of geeks bearing gifs. * Half the people you know are below average. * 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. *42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. * A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. * If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.



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