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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: bristol college etc etc

 

Legal Humor

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them toget married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it andagreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent forthem. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things wenton, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together. They went back toSt. Peter, and said: 'We thought we would be happy forever, butnow we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is thereany way we can get divorced?' 'Are you kidding?' said St. Peter. 'It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marryyou. I will never get a lawyer!'


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Joke for Halloween

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, 'hey there buddy, ' it hollers, 'you're looking mighty fine tonight!'The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak , 'hey asshole, go screw yourself!' it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. 'Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me. 'Let me explain, ' replies the bartender 'the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order. '


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Joke Online

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was gaining a little weight. 'Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?', he asked. 'Oh no, Father. Just a little gas. ' Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly. A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight. 'Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?', he asked again. 'Oh no, Father. Just a little gas. ' She replied again. A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carraige in the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carraige and said -'What a cute little fart!'


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Village Idiot Joke

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, 'Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will. ''That is very kind of you, ' said the doctor emotionally, and then added, 'Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change. . . '


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E-mail Joke

How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers.


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Law Joke

These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to
cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says:
'Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are'.
Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the
balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
George says: 'I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy
on the ground'.
So Harry yells down to the man: 'Hey, could you tell us where we
are?'. And the man on the ground yells back: 'You're in a balloon,
100 feet up in the air'.
George turns to Harry and says: 'That man must be a lawyer'. And
Harry asks: 'How can you tell?'.
'Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally
useless'.


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Pig Joke

What world athletic sporting event is held every four years? The Olympigs!


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Doctor and nurse Joke

Doctor, doctor! said the panic-stricken woman, 'my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?' 'Quite simple, ' said the doctor calmly. 'You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite haul it out. ' 'Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head. ' 'What do you want a cod's head for?' 'Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!'


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School Joke

The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it.

The little girl went to the blackboard, ooked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, 'Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I'm fine. '



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Animal World

What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?'Look! A herd of plums in the distance' (Jane is colorblind)



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