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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: bored etc etc

 

Bumper Stickers - 6

That’s all I'm saying and I ain't saying no more.


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Simple Joke

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't grocer and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal?If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another. Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.


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Space Joke

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. 'Mr. President, ' said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, 'there's good news & bad news. ' 'Oh, no, ' muttered the President, 'Well, let me have the bad news first. ' 'The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet. ' 'Gosh, and the good news?' 'The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil. '


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Horse Joke

Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!


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Red Indian Joke

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out, 'What was all that about?'He replied, 'Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through. '


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Spiked Humor

The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for'Show & Tell, ' and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?'I brought a Walkman. ''And what is it for?''You can listen to music with it!''That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?''I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!''Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!''Yes, I did. It's in the hall. 'So the entire class goes into the hallway. 'Umm, Johnny, what is that?''It's a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going. ''Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?''He said, 'College Humor Jokes about: bored etc etcRRRGGGH!!!''


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Farming Joke

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, 'You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!' The old rancher replied, 'Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning. '


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Frog Joke

Why was the frog down in the mouth ? He was un hoppy !


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Priceless Joke

A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life ingeneral. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life. . . . . . until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: '. . . Scientist's had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could stillfind tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thingneeded was to find the correct cave and shout 'Wohoo!!' and the tribe wouldanswer to this call. ''This is it!' the swede thought. 'This is what I've been waiting for! I'llsell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become richand famous!'And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking forthe tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen. Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: 'Juhuuu!!' And then heheard it! ' WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO !!!! ' 'H?rregud!' The Swede thought, 'A whole tribe!' And just as he was startingto run to the cave, he thought: 'Now wait a minute. These are cavemen. Theydon't wear any clothes, and I might scare then off. ' So he stripped his clothes off quickly, and started to run into the cave. And the following day, he was in the headlines all over th world: 'Naked Swede ran over by a train in Africa'


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School Joke

TEACHER: why are you late for school again?
PUPIL: I stopped two boys fighting, sir.
TEACHER: Well done. How did you manage that?
PUPIL: I kicked both of them, sir.

TEACHER: Sadie, why are you crawling into school ten minutes late?
PUPIL: Because you told me never to walk into school late again.

You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
No, sir, not a bit.

When the teacher entered the classroom, he noticed a little pool of water near the blackboard.

`Who is responsible for this?' he asked. No one replied.

`I want the person who did this to own up,' said the teacher. `Everyone close your eyes, then the guilty person must come forward and write their name on the blackboard. No one must open their eyes until I say so. '

So everyone closed their eyes. Soon there were quiet footsteps over to the blackboard, a pause and then the sound of someone writing on it with chalk, followed by more footsteps.

When the teacher told everyone to open their eyes there was a loud gasp. Another little puddle of water had appeared next to the first, and on the blackboard was written, `The Phantom Piddler Strikes Again!'

TEACHER: Now, children, this afternoon I'm going to tell you all about a gorilla.
So pay attention, all of you: If, you don't look at me you'll never know what a gorilla is.




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