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College Humor - Student Jokes

Our fabulous collection of interesting college jokes that may help distract you from that awful assignment you need to get in tomorrow!!!!

Category: College Humor Jokes about: beer etc etc


Joke Online

(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016Dear Sir:This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put 'Stupidity'. I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization. I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the lid back to its normal position. Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain parts of my body, which were still exposed, were trapped between the device's lid and its main body. Feeling such intense and immediate pain caused me to jump back. It quickly came to my attention that, when one's privates are firmly attached to an immovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in the opposite direction. Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the lid. However, my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow the locking mechanism to engage. I then proceeded to get a hold on my pants and subsequently removed my keys from them. I intended to try to force the lock of the device open with one of my keys; thus extracting myself. Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in the lock. Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique position became a minor concern, and I began to call for help in as much of a calm and rational manner as I could. An employee from the restaurant quickly arrived and decided that this was a problem requiring the attention of the store manager. Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the device with her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device, she could not get her key in. Seeing no other solution, she called the EMS (as indicated on your form in block 21(b)(1)). After approximately 15 minutes, the EMS arrived, along with two police officers, a fire-rescue squad, and the channel 4 'On-the-Spot' news team. The guys from the fire department quickly took charge as this was obviously a rescue operation. The senior member of the team discovered that the device was attached with bolts to the cement wall that could only be reached once the device was unlocked. (His discovery was by means of tearing apart the device located in the stall next to the one that I was in. (Since the value of the property destroyed in his examination was less than $50 (my deductible) I did not include it in my claim. ) His partner, who seemed like an intelligent fellow at the time, came up with the idea of cutting the device from the wall with the propane torch that was in the rescue truck. The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and commenced to attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I been in a state to think of such things, I might have realized that in cutting the device from the wall several things would also inevitably happen. First, the air inside of the device would quickly heat up, causing items inside the device to suffer the same effects that are normally achieved by placing things in an oven. Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor of heat causing items that are in contact with the device to react as if thrown into a hot skillet. And, third, molten metal would shower the inside of the device as the torch cut through. The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage to cut, in the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole big enough for a small pry bar to be placed inside of the device. The EMS team then loaded me, along with the device, into the waiting ambulance as stated on your form. Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3), I was unable to give a full explanation of these events, and thus used the word which I thought best described my actions that led to my hospitalization. Sincerely, (name withheld)

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Top 100 Joke

Woman's Quote of the Day:'Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with. 'Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:'Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache. '

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Dumb Blonde Joke

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

'You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!'

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Computer Joke

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, 'So what'll it be?' The first string says, 'I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdkCjfdLk jk3s d#f67howeUr89nvyowmc63Dz x. xvcu' 'Please excuse my friend,' the second string says, 'He isn't null-terminated. '

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Zoo Joke

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla? BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . . BERT: What did you do? FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

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Father Joke

One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son. 'Wake up now! It's time to go to school. '

'I don't want to go to school,' the son replied.

His mother said, 'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school. '

'Okay. One, all the children hate

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Miscellaneous Joke

What do you call an eternity?Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop. Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?Toes Go In FirstThree blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said 'Disneyland left. ' So they turned around and went home. What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?You always hear about them but never see them. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?Oh, look, Daddy. . . . doughnut seeds!Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?Because it said concentrate. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?They think their picture is being taken. How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it. Why can't blondes dial 911?They can't find the 11 on the phone. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?There is white-out all over the monitor. Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?It takes too long to retrain them. A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said, 'Oh, look at the dead bird. ' The blonde looked skyward and said, 'Where? Where?'How do you drown a blonde?Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?You have to hollow out the head. How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?Shine a flashlight in her ear. Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?They drowned during spring training. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?'Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!'How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?Tell her a joke on Tuesday. Why are blonde's boobs always square?Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box.

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Animal World

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, andyoung George was pretty excited. 'Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?' asked George. 'George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined upat the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a niceorderly fashion. ' said Sam. 'Okay, I can do that. ' George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Samsaid and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few moreinstructions. 'Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end andyou can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle' said Sam. 'OK, OK, let's go!' said George. 'Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals willlet us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?'said Sam. 'Sure' says George. Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at oneend and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember's Sam'sinstructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure tosay - 'Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am. '

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Dumb Men Joke

What makes a man think he's so great ? 1) He has a belly button that won't work. 2) He has tits that won't give milk. 3) He has a cock that won't crow. 4) He has balls that won't roll. 5) He has an ass that won't carry a thing.

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Men Joke

Men are like placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

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